I've been pretty quite on here as of late as we were busy with the end of summer travel and all the work leading up to beginning a new homeschool year.  Instead of going with Jason and the kids to Colorado to visit for a week with family, I decided to stay back and prepare for the Restorative Yoga and Acupuncture Restshop my friend Maryann and I were offering. And I also wanted to have time for myself to regroup some and get organized for homeschool.

Though I would like to say that all my hard work preparing for our new homeschool 'year' has paid off, I'm not sure that I can.  I can say that it helped in regard to feeling ready to teach the kids yoga and mindfulness class with the CREDO Homeschoolers Co-Op.  As far as school at home with my kids, we are still trying to find what works and it has not been easy.  There have been some decent days in there, but most days feel like they drag and the kids have not been eager to participate or cooperate in their own learning.…

What Happened Next?

I want you all to know how much lighter I feel after sharing here on my blog. I felt a major shift after doing so.  It was kind of a scary thing to do. I wondered and worried if I was over sharing, or if this kind of sharing was really necessary.  I realize now, though, that it was necessary for me to write, to share, to open in that way. I needed to get those words out, those heavy feelings out because I had been holding them in and down for far too long. I guess I assumed that the healing would magically happen on it's own,  that those feelings would eventually just quietly go away. Instead, they cried their way out, yelled their way out, and wrote their way out as they needed to. And here I thought I could skip the work. Of course, that is not possible.

Since sharing that post publicly, I have been blown away by the outpouring of love and support and also a little freaked out.

I got a little freaked out worrying that people were thinking that my life is crazy hard and horrible…

To Say It Out Loud~

It's late.  Everyone else is asleep.  I should be in bed too as I've been so bone tired and worn down.  But I can't sleep with all these thoughts and worries whirling through my head.  And as much as I want to sleep,  I also need to say what's bothering me out loud. I feel I need to out myself, to express myself because there's this part of me that is not being expressed or acknowledged or shown. And I am tired of holding it in, of saying nothing because every night I stumble to my bed heavy with exhaustion and a brain that hurts, too tired to sit down and write what I know needs to be written. 

For at least 3 weeks now, I have struggled with a strange anger and sadness and guilt and, I think, depression. I think I may be in a depression because I have cried everyday for at least three weeks. Crying is not unusual for me as I cry when I feel overwhelmed, angry, or tired. But the fact that I have yelled at my kids and cried at least once everyday for the last 3 weeks…

The Way of Beauty~

“There’s always a sunrise and always a sunset and it’s up to you to choose to be there for it,’ said my mother. 'Put yourself in the way of beauty.” (Cheryl Strayed)
It's Wednesday morning, my morning to go do something all by myself.  It's definitely something I look forward to because I just get to do whatever I want. And I try really hard to make this morning about the things I love and want to do versus the things I have to do like make phone calls or get groceries or run errands.  

Today,  I am sitting in the shade at the Tucson Botanical Gardens. It's a perfect morning with all the birds happily chirping and the buzz of bugs flying here and there to do the things bugs do. There is still a slight coolness in the air which is worth appreciating and taking advantage of before the rise of the heat and dust begins.   

I bought a membership to the Tucson Botanical Gardens not long ago so that I could come as often as possible while the Frida Kahlo Garden is up. I also boug…

Unlearning and Learning~

"A new medium always has a period when it is struggling inside the confining box of an earlier medium. Creators have to unlearn what they knew before they can see the fresh, uncharted vistas stretching before them." (Dave Morris)

(Note: I started this post last week. After Liam's visit of the Waldorf school, he shared that he really liked the kids but he just felt he can't go to school. It's just too much for him.)
I'm sitting outside on the porch just outside the classroom that Liam is visiting at the Tucson Waldorf school. We are checking it out to see if this is a possibility and to just a get some clarity on things.  I guess you could say that this is as much a learning experience for me as it is for him.  Since the anxiety is still very much present and this is a new situation, I am here all day with him as he is not ready to stay on his own. My parents have Lila today so that I can be here with Liam.
I like the different approach of the Waldorf school a…

The Gift of Silence and Simplicity

To play, or not to play music in yoga class. That is the question.

I used to always play music when I practiced and taught class, and I loved it. And my students loved it. These days, however, I never practice with music, not even in an hour long restorative practice. And over the past few years, I have really moved away from bringing music in during the instruction portion of class, but I usually include music at the end of class for savasana. For restorative yoga, I only play a little in the first pose, then I create the opportunity for the students to get comfortable and accustomed to silence because I feel that this is an important part of the practice.
Now don't misunderstand, I LOVE music. I do. I have always loved music, but I have really grown and come to love and crave silence and simplicity in my practice over the years. It's taken me a long time to appreciate and get comfortable with just being with myself, my body and my breath in my practice. And I cannot eve…
"Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between the two my life flows."
(Nisargadatta Marahaji)

February 1, 2017

A whole new year has begun since the last time I sat down to write. And since my last post, a lot has happened in my personal life and in the world around me. The end of 2016 went out hard and the new year began in much the same way with me getting a strange virus and getting really sick.

My family and I went camping on a small organic farm outside of Tombstone in the hopes of ending out the year in a quiet, peaceful way. Of course, life had other plans. We had a good time on our trip, minus the fact that I was exhausted and did not sleep well and then got sick.  Once the virus hit, it hit hard attacking my liver and nervous system and was painful. Thankfully, though, no one else in my family got sick.  It took a good 2 weeks to recover and, really, I still feel a bit turned around and behind from it.  That said, I am feeling pretty good now,…