The Alchemist

“Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.

“Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.”

“But my heart is agitated,” the boy said. “It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it’s become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I’m thinking about her.”

“Well, that’s good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say.”

“My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on.”

“That makes sense. Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. ”

“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

“My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

From “The Alchemist”

A Mother's Plea For Help ~

“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” -Lena Horne

We often think that admitting struggle is a sign of weakness, but we all struggle sometimes. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. We all need help sometimes. Acknowledging this is not a sign of weakness, but struggling alone is a choice to grow weak.

Dear Friends,

This will be a very different entry than what I usually write.  This entry is really a request for help, ideas, suggestions, empathy, a show of love by offering anything useful to help me help my son with his separation anxiety.  Let me share with you my situation...

My son is 5 and has been going to preschool 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hours.  The school he goes to is really a wonderful place.  It is whimsical and small and community oriented. His teacher is the best.  She is kind, compassionate, loving, and she loves what she does.  I love her.  He only has 9 kids in his class and there are at least 2 or 3 adults present at all times. 

 At the beginning of the school year, Liam was very excited to go and had no problems with Jason or I saying goodbye as he enjoyed his time there on his own.  Things have changed quite a bit.  In fact, for the past few months it has been nothing but a struggle for him to go, stay on his own and let me go on my way.  I have been staying for as long as I can in the hopes of helping him through this phase.  Mind you, I always have Lila with me so staying there for an hour and a half is the maximum amount of time I can stay before Lila and I both loose it.  Truly,  I am frustrated, exhausted, sad, and embarrassed by this all.  When I try to leave, the anxiety ensues. When we have tried to employ the help of the teachers and staff, Liam runs around me away from them, hugs onto my leg and a full on meltdown begins.  It's all quite horrible if you ask me.  Everyone tells me I just have to peel him off of me, push him away and let him cry it out.  They tell me he'll be fine as soon as I leave and they will call if he is not.  I want to make clear that it is not a little crying that I have a problem with. What I have a problem with is the peel-him-off-push-him-away or hold-him back part.  It just does not feel right to me.  It is now to the point were he says he does not want to go to school the night before.  I am now at the point where I dread the morning and taking him to school. I am at a point where I feel pretty close to done with all of this and I feel pretty alone in it too.  

My question is:

Is the above mentioned method the only way to help Liam gain confidence in his ability to be on his own for a bit without me or Jason in the safe environment of his school?

Is there another way to help him with this experience and growth process?  

Am I crazy to question this method or to think that there has got to be a better way?

Please Help.

Love One Tired and Frustrated Mama,

Marcia

Inner Work

About a month ago I tried to write a blog and got half way through.  It seems I am in some sort of time warp as time passes so quickly these days and I never seem to get all of what I want done. This part of motherhood is frustrating for me as I am someone who likes to get a certain amount of things done. I am learning to let go of this need a little at a time.  Since my last attempt to write, Christmas has come and gone and a new year has begun.  It's strange that it is only 11 days into the new year and the new year feels like it arrived months ago.  See,  I am in a time warp. Very weird. 

Anyway, there has been a lot of inner work going on for me.  This has been a time of reevaluating everything from the way I parent to the way I care about myself.  Mostly,  I have come to realize that patience and presence is an everyday practice when it comes to parenting and is something that I am learning how to be better at.  It is a time of shifting perspectives, a time of finding the energy to change what needs to be changed so that I can bring my life into balance, so that my family and I are experiencing more joy and harmony on a regular basis.


I am writing today to organize my thoughts and have a better overall view of my life as it as and not as I wish it to be.  I am writing because I can and want to and also because I have had a certain thought on my mind for a while.  I will share...


Since getting cable,  I have been watching Oprah's Life class segments regularly and love them.   I think Oprah is a great teacher and really appreciate the teachings she is offering.  On one of the life lessons that recently aired, she said something that has really stuck with me.  This is what she said, "I believe being a parent is one of the highest callings that there is."  I never really thought about motherhood like that before.  It was more like I thought of becoming a mother as something you chose to do or not to do, you either want a child or children or you don't. Thinking about motherhood in those terms has given new meaning to this path I am walking.  I don't think that raising and loving my children is all I am meant to do,  but right now it is what I am called to do.  This is my Dharma, my purpose, right now.  This is what sustains me and where I am learning the most at this time.  I am being asked to parent with purpose and to realize the importance and value of what I am doing right now even if it seems simplistic, which, of course,  it is not.


In fact everyday has some sort of a challenge to go along with it.   So everyday, I am asked to look at the way I respond or react to the current situation I am in.  And some days I do better than others.  Mostly the biggest challenge has been my son Liam. He has been having a difficult time and things with him have not been easy.  He fights us daily on everything and anything from going to school, brushing his teeth, cutting his nails, to sitting down at the dinner table to eat.  He has a hard time with me leaving and that too is hard on me.  My poor little fellow is quite sensitive , feels everything and is often overwhelmed by the world. I understand how he feels all to well.


Because I too am tired and sensitive, I have been more of a reactive parent than a patient, calm one. And what all this less-than-stellar mothering has made me realize is that it is important for me not to get caught up in my son's emotions or my own at this time because it is exhausting!  So I am learning the art of stepping back from the situation, pausing in the moment, and working to stay with my breath. Believe me,  it is much harder than it sounds.  I have also recently come to terms with the fact that  I am not my best when I am tired and depleted, and I have been in that place a lot recently.  So what that means is that I must care about myself as much as I care about and for everybody else. Why? Because I matter.  My needs matter.  My emotional state and overall well being matters, so extreme self-care is a must for me. Self Love is a must for me.


The odd thing about being in a place in my life where I have felt extremely frustrated, sad, confused, uncertain and have been questioning my direction, ability and such, is that it is teaching me so much.  As I have continued to ask my higher self questions and sit with the uncertainty and been in that place of discomfort,  the clarity and growth has come along too.  These things take time. And, well, as I have already mentioned, patience is not easy for me, but I am learning.  In my book, that is progress.


Another aspect of my life that I am finally more clear on is teaching. During this time of re-alignment, I have been asking myself this: What kind of teacher am I?  What do I want to offer? Why do I want to teach?   In the process of asking questions,  a few answers have arisen.  I am not about the-fire-of-transformation sort of teacher.  I am not intensity or fire.  I am water and earth.  I am flow.  I am more about grounding and am a nurturer at heart.  I am a healer.  My aim in my teaching is to offer a balanced class, to create a safe, sacred, uplifting environment for each student to be able to explore the poses and get connected in body, mind and heart.  It matters to me that I do my best to offer a balanced class, one that is appropriately challenging, thoughtful, adequately focused and restful.  I want each student to walk out feeling lighter, brighter, more balanced, focused and calm than when they walked in.  So if you are looking for the antidote to the craziness of your life and you are in need of nurturing, I am your girl and my class is for you.  




Even though this has been a tough phase for me to be in,  I am grateful that I have been forced to look deeper to find the answers to my questions. I am grateful for the change and growth that is happening for me right now.  It is not always easy to make the changes or to deal with the growing pains, but it is good and useful in the long run.


I now know what it is I want and am after. Mostly, I want to be what it is I am meant to be.  I want to Gracefully come into my own.  I want to live my life in an honest way.  I want more joy.  I want more balance.  I want more harmony.  I want to remember that being a mother is the highest calling there is and really commit and devote my time to Liam, Lila and Jason.  I want to be the kind of mother, teacher and guide that these two beautiful souls deserve because I know that they too are here to make a difference in the world.  Therefore, it is up to me and Jason to lead the way with love and determination, one good deed at a time.


Blessings,
Marcia