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Loosening the Grip

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I got up this morning and it was so quiet and the house felt so empty. It was just me and the dog and the cat curled in bed. Jason and the kids left for Flagstaff around 4:30 yesterday afternoon. They spent the night Flagstaff and were up and on their way to Colorado early this morning, so it's just me and the pets.

I decided not to go with them as I am scheduled to teach a Restorative yoga and Acupuncture Restshop with Maryann this coming weekend and there are things I want to do and get done while Jason and the kids are away for a few days. But today, I am tired and slow and not feeling like doing much of anything. I did manage to get up and go walking with the dog as I usually do each morning and I've showered.  Other than that, I'm not feeling very motivated. And oddly enough, I miss my husband and kids. And even though I miss my little family, I am grateful for a moment to rest and decompress,  and to not have to do anything for anyone right now.

 So it looks like t…

The Fear of It~

Piglet?" said Pooh.

"Yes Pooh?" said Piglet.

"Do you ever have days when everything feels... Not Very Okay At All? And sometimes you don't even know why you feel Not Very Okay At All, you just know that you do."

Piglet nodded his head sagely. "Oh yes," said Piglet. "I definitely have those days."
"Really?" said Pooh in surprise. "I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out."
"Ah," said Piglet. "Well here's the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out... they probably haven't. Actually, everyone has days when they feel Not Very Okay At All. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.
"And the second thing you need to know... is that it's okay to feel Not Very Okay At All. It can …

Spring Awakening~

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Wow, it's been quite a while since I last sat down to craft a post.  It's been a full few months with the sudden and unexpected loss of my mother's brother and then the loss of my beloved dog, Parker. And of course all the busyness that the holidays and new year bring. I feel like we are all just now coming out of the tumbling of that wave of events.

And I just celebrated my 44th birthday on March 16th and with that, the start of a new year has begun.  And today is the first day of Spring. And Spring has arrived precisely on time trailing blooms and sunshine as she announces her glorious arrival.

I love how the season brings with it a distinct, clear energy. Spring is the energy of hope, new beginnings, renewal, beauty and exuberance. I don't know why, but this year feels significant to me.  I can feel that significance just under the surface of my being vibrating, growing, building strength and waiting for just the right time to emerge. Emerge into what and in what w…

A Sense of Center~

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Over the past weekend I had the great pleasure of attending a class with Christina Sell.  It has a been a long time since I’ve been to a group class, so it felt really good to go and just be a student. And it felt really good to do some focused work, which Christina is so gifted at teaching and creating space for. And though it would be easy to assume that I only like  a passive or gentle practice, since I practice alone a lot and I only teach intro, basics and restorative classes, but that’s simply not the case. I actually really love to work and love having long periods where I have to focus on what I am feeling as I move through a practice just as much as I love doing nothing (like in Restorative Yoga). I love both an active and passive practice and feel that both are necessary for balanced well being. At least they are for me. 
Anyway, when I first arrived at YogaOasis on Saturday for the class, I felt really overwhelmed by how packed the room was and how busy the studio was.  I kn…

The Struggle

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The Struggle
I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and reading a lot of articles on homeschooling, free schooling, unschooling and the like. I’ve been reading, researching and listening as much as I can in order to figure out how to make this learning at home, learning from life thing work for our family.
Unfortunately, I don’t know that any of this work I am doing is really helping, though, because it all sounds so wonderful and idyllic.  Our life, a year since we pulled our kids from school, still feels quite random and chaotic.  
And as lovely and inspiring as it is to hear from all these other families out there how awesome homeschooling and unschooling is and can be, it’s also quite frustrating because it does not feel that way to us. 
Every week we go to the park to gather with other homeschooling families to let our kids run and play in the sun.  And we have even joined a homeshcool co-op which offers the kids an opportunity to learn some new things from new people for 12 weeks …

Just

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I haven’t written in a while and am not sure why.I always mean to sit down and write an entry here, but more often than not I end up spending what small chunks of time I have writing in my journal.I guess writing in a journal offers a different kind of flow than typing on a computer does, and I really like the quiet connection that writing in a journal offers.
Life is life.  It’s been the usual for us of trying to homeschool, or rather, trying to get our kids to get motivated to participate in their learning and 'schooling'.  I’m not sure why they don’t want to work but we'll keep trying.  We may have to go the unschooling route as the harder we try to implement a schedule and create some structure and routine, the less cooperative our kids are.  I have tried talking with them about going to school, as they both are lonely for friends and crave more social interactions, but Liam gets mad and refuses to even discuss it.  At least they get to see their homeschool friends two …
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To love life is a choice and an adventure. Some days are easier to love than others and the same is true with moments and stretches of time.  But then I think to myself, nothing in life is perfect or flawless, not even in nature. And the imperfection of things, the rough rocky ground or the winding road are what make this life, this world so fascinating and interesting.

I realized recently, as I caught myself trying to hard to understand the rough moments, that I have been caught up in this story of trouble and struggle for far too long.  I realized that the story I have been telling and sharing is true and honest, but I am tired of this tale of difficulty and lack and frustration.

I wan to write a new story.  I want to live into better moments even with all the imperfections and ups and downs.  I recently came across this quote: "Don't wait for things to get simpler, better, or easier. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you'll run out …