I am tired, and I am frustrated. 

It has been a rough few days with massive and painful coughing fits that seem to occur as I am trying to eat. I am having to be very selective and careful with what I eat so as not to throw myself into a major coughing fit that will take the rest of the day to calm down. 

I guess the good news is that these fits have made it very clear to me that the issue I have been dealing with is in my esophagus. At least I am certain of that now. I think because every specialist I have seen has said my coughing had to do with my airways and respiratory system, I believed them because they are specialists in this field. I am not.

But after the last few days of paying very close attention to what sets these coughing fits off, I am absolutely certain that my cough has to do with my esophagus. I am thinking that I have an acid issue or something called EOE (Eosinophilic Esophagitis). I don't know for sure and won't know until I can get an Endoscope done. 

The earliest appointment I can get is July 26th. But I am so tired of waiting, and I honestly feel desperate at this point. I have been calling the Gastroenterology office everyday to see if there have been any cancellations since they don't have a cancellation list. All I can tell you is that it is taking everything I have to wait and not fall apart. 

I was doing pretty well. The cough has never gone away, but I was feeling better and able to function pretty well. Right now, I am painfully sore from the coughing fits and my head and throat just hurt from all the coughing. 

I don't mean this to be a drag of a share at all. I don't even know why I am writing or sharing this at all, honestly. I think I just need to get my thoughts down and vent some of this because I am so over all of it: the coughing, the chest, upper back and ribcage pain, the strain on my voice, the throat inflammation, the waking up every night hot and sweating, the fatigue, and the stop and go pattern of my life right now. 

I keep asking myself what I might be missing or if there is more I can do on my end, or if I have done something that has triggered this flare up, and I cannot think of anything. I don't think this is in my hands. I think that a scope is absolutely necessary at this point no matter how scared I am of that and the cost of it. I think this is the only way to find out what the issue is in my throat, which is where this damn cough started and has been this whole freaking time!

So yeah, that's where I am at and what I am waiting on.

And just to be clear, I do not need advice or suggestions on what I should do because if you can think of it, I have probably already done it. I thank you for wanting to help, but I am not asking for help. I have been working with a lot of people to figure this out. And so far my symptoms are one big mystery because I am not the usual patient they work with or see who lives off the typical American diet, is overweight, does not exercise, lives off medication, smokes and has other co-morbidities. My lifestyle and diet are not the issue. 

All I want is relief and a solution! I also want to know the root cause of this. I know I will get there, but getting there has been such a slog! 

Alright, that's all I have got for today. I will write another update as I get closer to figuring this out, or if I feel inspired to share something else on here. 

I hope you are all doing well out there in this crazy world. Take good care of yourselves and each other and don't let the world get you down. Keep fighting the good fight. Fight for and savor the good in all the ways that you can. 

Peace,

Marcia

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Mother's Plea For Help ~

Image
“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” -Lena Horne We often think that admitting struggle is a sign of weakness, but we all struggle sometimes. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. We all need help sometimes. Acknowledging this is not a sign of weakness, but struggling alone is a choice to grow weak. Dear Friends, This will be a very different entry than what I usually write.  This entry is really a request for help, ideas, suggestions, empathy, a show of love by offering anything useful to help me help my son with his separation anxiety.  Let me share with you my situation... My son is 5 and has been going to preschool 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hours.  The school he goes to is really a wonderful place.  It is whimsical and small and community oriented. His teacher is the best.  She is kind, compassionate, loving, and she loves what she does.  I love her.  He only has 9 kids in his class and there are at least 2 or 3 ad...
Read more

Big and Wide Open~

Image
Photo Credit: Mathew Dols I'm listening to Ben Howard and feeling quite nostalgic.  My head is still a bit clogged and foggy from being sick, which may have something to do with the state I am in. But truthfully, it feels more like old stuff that's coming up and moving out.   Either way, I feel inspired to write and let this inner desire for understanding and expression take place. I really can't help but marvel at the way time passes,  along with people and places and moments that seem to live forever.  There are certain moments and times in life that shape so much of who we are, what we become along the way, and the way in which we find our way into our self. For me, there have been many wonderful people, places and moments that have shaped me into the person I am now.  I am not just speaking of the big and obvious things like marriage and having children.  You see,  I grew up an army brat and moved around a lot. I moved from state to state,...
Read more

A Long Time Away~

Image
Photo by: Matthew Dols  My last post was in January. It's been 4 months since I've last written a thing. I guess I've been away so long because I haven't really known what to say or think or share. On some level, I've been reluctant to share what's really going on for me for fear of how such information might be perceived. Maybe it's all part of this strange change that I seem to be in. I find myself questioning everything from teaching to parenting and everything else in between. I honestly don't know why I feel so displaced and uncertain, but I do. And I find myself less and less interested in the things I used to be interested in, and more and more uninspired by those things that use to really inspire me. I find myself getting bored, to some degree, with the whole yoga scene. It's all become so trendy and bendy and ultra ego driven. It's a bit too much-look at me- for me. Don't get the wrong idea here,  I'm not writing this post...
Read more