End of the Year, Morning Musings~

 

December 31, 2021

Today is the last day of 2021. Another year has whizzed by. It doesn't feel like a full year has passed. And yet, here we are at the threshold of the end and the beginning. As I sit on the edge of 2021 and the beginning of 2022, I don't feel joy or excitement. I don't feel doom and gloom either. Mostly, I feel humbled and deeply reflective. Maybe, I feel a little bit sad and am noticing a sort of melancholy that is present? 

I guess what's been on my mind has been the most recent events. Last week, 5 people were shot and murdered in Denver, Colorado. A senseless act that was obviously planned and carried out. And now children and families are experiencing deep grief from devastating loss. And as of yesterday, Boulder, Colorado, is on fire. Many homes have already burned down, families are displaced and the dry conditions and raging winds are only fanning the flames. It seems impossible that there could be a fire like this in winter when there should be snow. So these things are on my heart and mind today. 

And saying, "Happy New Year" feels like an absurdity to me in these times we are living in and through. Please don't misunderstand, optimism and hope and happiness are still present for me. I just want to be honest about the fact that things are not going to be magically different as we begin a new year. Life is still life. And we've still got to live it. 

And here's the truth: The Pandemic rages on and the virus continues to morph. And here we are trying to live life now- the best way we know how and however we can. But the grief and uncertainty of these times looms large. 

So no, "Happy New Year" doesn't quite feel like the right thing to say. This feels more like a time of deep contemplation and consideration rather than a big celebration. 

This feels more like a time to focus yet again on the small things and to really take each day one moment and step at a time. This is not the time for GRANDNESS. This is not the time for GRAND ideas or plans but more so about honesty and learning to lean into the uncertainty of these times. 

I find it rather difficult to make any big plans when everything seems to continually change and as we all continue to be changed by the very circumstances of life right now. Life is in flux.

We are most certainly in the midst of a great transformation whether we want to be in one or not. Now, how that transformation will take shape and end up really depends on how much we each individually allow ourselves to be changed by this whole experience. 

There is no going back my friends. We know this and yet we cling to what once was. We have to let go and let this new life in. And so much of that "letting go and letting in" seems to me to be about being okay with not having clarity or a vision for what is next or simply being okay with the blurred, messy state of things.

Maybe things are unclear not because of a lack of trying or effort on our part but rather because it is just not time to know yet? 

This part definitely feels hard to me. I catch myself all the time pushing for clarity and knowing. And yet, here I am smack dab in the middle of: I don't know. 

When I find myself in this place of pushing and scrambling for answers, I know I have to shift my thinking and focus. 

All I can do now is focus my view and attention on the small, simple things in front of me: the day to day needs of my kids and family, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the house and the pets, the daily self-care rituals, the small, simple joys, and the ordinary, everyday things of life.

Right now, everything is okay and we are blessed in many ways and with all that we need: a roof over our heads, good food to eat, water and each other. And yet I also realize that this is not the case for everyone.

All I can do is remember that if I can stay grounded and steady here in this moment or in this day as it unfolds before me, I'll eventually find my way to what's needed next. 

So again, it comes down to the small, simple, ordinary, everyday things...

Wake up slowly

feel my breath,

my body,

my feet hitting the ground.

I watch as the sun climbs up and over the mountain.

I rise and move

and begin this day quietly 

and as honestly and purposefully as I can.

And when I stumble,

I get up and try again.

I make breakfast

I eat and give thanks for the food and this day.

I try to remember that my gratitude matters.

I roll along into the day 

as it unfolds before me,

and I trust that I will find my way forward.

I step forward and simply do the next right thing. 

I breathe

and I let go into this...

I let go into this moment as it is.

Whether it is a moment of joy or sorrow,

fear or love,

wonder or bewilderment,

clarity or confusion.

That is the real practice-

living life fully 

and in a way that embraces

what is in front of me right now.

So this is what I wish for you as you travel gently on into this New Year: May you bravely face and dance into the unknown, ever changing landscape and season of life you are in. We don't need to know what next. All we need to know is that we have each other, that we find a way to continue to cultivate love and community, and that we free ourselves and our hearts enough to create a better world wherever we are.

And instead of "Happy New Year", I wish you all a Peaceful and Purposeful New Year. 

With Love,

Marcia