Showing posts from August, 2010

Back At It~

I am finally through the hard part of the last few weeks.  Really the hardest part was all the waiting I feel like I've been doing during these past few weeks.  Once I got the word that my body was taking care of the last of the pregnancy on it's own, meaning no more physical symptoms and more dissolution and re-absorption of what was left,  I felt ready to get on with life.  I have jumped right back into things.

In fact this past weekend is a perfect example of moving forward.  This past weekend Jason, Liam and I went up to Mt. Lemmon and walked in the stream for two hours.  We caught lots of tadpoles, a baby frog, a butterfly, some grasshoppers, and went on the hunt for a praying mantis, which we never found. I love how Liam helps me remember the art of exploration and wonder.  It was so great to be among the trees and walking in the water exploring nature for the sweetest of treasures.

Sunday I got back to teaching my 8:30 class and it was great.  I had 28 wonderful peopl…

In It But With It~

It's been a weird and wild two weeks. The abrupt changes that have occurred over the past few weeks have been many.  I am just trying to stay with things even as they continue to change. I have had moments of sadness and disappointment to be sure.  Now,  I am left with a lot of questions that there are no real answers for. This experience has been different on every level. 

The good news is that it wasn't as physically painful as the first time but it has been more draining in other ways.  It has been a longer process this time and nothing has gone as it was supposed to.  I even took a prescribed medication to help encourage the miscarriage along and both times the medicine failed to work.  No one, including myself, seems to know why.  It seems my body is reabsorbing all signs of this pregnancy.  It's almost as if the process has gone in reverse.  It's oddly fascinating, strange, sad and baffling all at the same time.  

However,  I would say I am doing well for the most…

An Invitation to live life fully~

Life is not a straight road to some final place.  Life is full of twists and turns and unexpected moments.  And everyday we are invited to live life to the fullest. We are invited to embrace each day and all it brings with both arms. And even when it is difficult to show up and face the world, we find the courage and strength in our own hearts to do so.

I don't think that I would be where I am today without my practice to support me in times when I need it most.  I am not just talking about running through the poses.  I am talking about the way in which we choose to live our life moment to moment, breath by breath.  And sometimes,  when the heart is heavy and the mind is cluttered,  taking a deep breath can be difficult.  But breathing in each moment, which is a practice,  is the best thing we can do for ourselves.  
Bare and vulnerable is not such a bad place to be.  In fact,  it is the real place to be.

Respond to the invitation to Live.  Even if it is difficult today,  tomorrow …

What to make of all this?

It's late and I should be in bed asleep.  I have been trying to get comfortable and just slumber peacefully off to sleep, but it's not happening.  I hate it when I feel exhausted on every level, yet I cannot sleep or rest despite my desire to.  I suppose I have too much on my mind and heart.  My body feels weird and heavy, tight and empty.  I feel numb at some times and sad and disappointed at others.  While listening to a song that makes me happy and uplifts my spirits I feel happy.  This is quite a ride I am on.  For the moment,  I am in it and doing my best to stay and be with whatever comes.

I know this sounds like vague rambling since I have made no mention as to why I am feeling so many ways at once, and, well it is.  Let me explain...

I was 8 weeks pregnant and have just had another miscarriage.  I have had two miscarriages in 5 months.  To say the least,  I feel seriously disappointed and sad at moments.  The good news is I don't feel consumed by the rising and fa…