The Sacred in Sacrifice

 

The Sacred in Sacrifice~

I signed up for another writing course with Mary Angelon and Christina Sell called "Pathways of Return" and it's already been so nourishing and insightful. And we are only 3 weeks in. I really cannot speak highly enough of these two teachers (and Regina Sara Ryan too!). 

Anyway, after hearing the story of Jumping Mouse (look it up!), we had several questions to contemplate. I chose the question that stood out the most for me. Here is what came out...

In your life, where do see the theme of sacrifice? 

In my life, I see the theme of sacrifice in Motherhood. This has been an interesting consideration because I think I've somehow come to believe that sacrifice is something mothers 'have to do'. And I think for me, I have come to see sacrifice as something negative. And maybe at times in my Mothering life, I have felt I had to give-up everything for my kids and husband for the greater good of the family in general. And there is some truth in that. 

Unfortunately, oftentimes, it seems it is the woman, or the Mother, who is expected to give up everything in order to raise the kids. And it is the Mother that gives ALL of herself  (body, mind, heart, time and energy) to her kids and family. And in all honesty, I have most certainly struggled with this and bumped up against great anger and resentment because of this intense giving. 

Now, what I'm not quite clear on is whether all that giving is all my fault (read: my tendency to take on blame), a message of social conditioning and expectations that is so much a part of the American culture, or if our very unique and challenging journey raising 2 neurodivergent kids are the reason it's been so hard? I think it's a little bit of all 3 of these things combined. 

I guess what this makes me realize is how easy it is to view sacrifice as a negative and as something one is forced to do, rather than something one can choose to do. 

When Mary defined sacrifice as something we make sacred, or "to make sacred", that totally changed the idea and purpose of sacrifice for me. So all week, I have been rolling those words around in my head and heart: Sacrifice means to make sacred, to make sacred, to make sacred, to make sacred...

Those words and that definition, feel like marbles I've been rolling around in my hand. I've been rubbing and rolling and polishing those marbles around in my hand all week to see sacrifice more clearly and to feel that word more fully. 

What if I did look at the things I've given up as a sacred choice rather than a forced situation? How would that change me? 

For starters, it feels like a softening, a letting go of tension and gripping. I am no longer what and who I once was before I had kids anyway. So what the hell am I holding onto- and why? 

Maybe my anger and resentment helped me to speak up, to make it known to my husband that raising our 2 kids is not just my job, it's OUR job. And that really has more to do with me asking for help than Jason not helping me because I believed it was my duty to do it all. 

So maybe all that frustration and anger were needed, for a time, to teach me how to speak up and ask for help, and to learn how to claim a bit of breath, life,  space and support for myself at a time when I felt like I was drowning? 

Huh...This is interesting!

Here I was seeing my anger and resentment and sacrifice as a problem when they've actually been great teachers and indicators of what my heart and spirit needed all along! Fascinating! 

So here I am again considering what it means to sacrifice: Sacrifice means to make Sacred.

What is a sacred sacrifice? Maybe all sacrifice is sacred- whether we label it "good" or "bad"? 

And maybe there's always a give and take, or a trade off that takes place as you give up one thing for another? And that is just the way of it. Maybe the art of making a sacrifice sacred is changing my perspective of and relationship to what it means to sacrifice out of love instead of force or expectation?

And therein lies the beauty and gift of seeing sacrifice as sacred: it's a choice. 

I can choose how, and to whom, and to what I give my love and attention and energy to. That's a radical idea. That said, it's doesn't mean it's always an easy choice. But I think that's a choice I can live with and be at peace with.

With Love,

Marcia