Live, laugh and love life~

It's been well over a month since my last post.  Things have been busy for the Tullous family.  Liam had surgery to remove his tonsils and adenoids and had tubes put in ears about two weeks before school started.  Yes, it is true a new school year has begun.  Liam is a full-fledged kindergartner.  The school years have arrived and with that a new phase for all of us complete with a new routine and time in between.  Jason was out of town twice in the last month and then had an outpatient surgery of his own. I guess you could say that life is in full swing.  What I am including in this post is something that I wrote three days ago in my journal.  I think what follows is worth sharing.  Read on and enjoy!

****************************************************************************

August 20, 2012

Life has felt pretty  heavy and dull to me lately.  Heavy with responsibility and dull from doing all of the have tos and not enough of the love tos.  This is what hurts me. When I get wrapped up in all of life's demands and I forget to breathe and I forget to play, I loose myself along the way. 

I know I signed up for the life I've got and am grateful for all that I have. I love my family. I love my husband.  I love my kids.  I love that I can spend so much of my time with Liam and Lila while they are young. Sometimes though, when I am in the thick of it and I am tired and there has been little time for me to nurture my own needs, I get lost in the needs of others. 

Balance is a key theme in my life because I loose it so often.  I see myself on the thin line of balance, my arms are outstretched, my core is engaged, my mind is focused and I am in it.  One distraction and BAM!  I'm on the ground with a thud.  I know that life is full of moments when I've got it and moments when I don't . The ups and downs are inevitable.  My trouble is when I let it get me down and I begin to question everything I am doing as if I am doing something inherently wrong. I ask, "why don't I have this figured out already?"

This question is all wrong.  The question or questions I need to ask are: What can I do differently to feel and do better?  How do I stay steady in an ever-moving world with time flying away and people pulling at me?  How do I maintain my own balance and keep a buoyant heart with so much stress and anxiety pulsing in the world and in all of our lives? Whether we have financial woes, relationship troubles, lack of inspiration or feelings of loss,  I've discovered that staying steady and balanced on all levels comes down to the way we love and care for ourselves when life is demanding so much of us.  

Levity is key in these dark, heavy times.  Silence and quiet time for reflection are the solution to stress and emotional imbalance.  Deep breathing is the way to anchor and calm the incessant movement of the mind. What I've learned is that we must counter the trouble with the opposite. When tired and overwhelmed, we take rest and retreat to beat the anxiety.  We don't do more, we do less.  When life is all work, we get out and play.  We get out for a walk in nature and join in the morning jubilee with the birds when in need of a lift and moment to connect. When feeling stifled or serious, dance around the house to a favorite song.  When having trouble hearing your own voice, sing out loud, don't get quieter. Turn up the volume! It's okay to start outside and make your way in because sometimes that is what is called for.  A starting point is a starting point. Nothing more.  The point is, we do something about our discontent. We do anything and everything we can to make ourselves feel better and to imbue our lives with a little more joy.  We stop saying things like: "I'm too tired." "I don't have enough energy."  "I don't have enough time."  " I don't have enough money."  You get the idea.   These have been my running mantras as of late, so I get it.  I do it all the time. But saying such things is essentially saying that what I want or need doesn't matter and that is just not true.  I matter. You matter. How we live life matters. 

And life is not meant to be all work and no play. I know for myself that this way of living really squelches my spirit and kills my creativity.  When I find myself feeling overwhelmed by life and feeling flat, I must go back and ask myself what it is that I love.  What makes me happy and fills my heart with joy? What helps me to remember my wings and helps me to believe in the possibility of my dreams? The answer to these questions is the solution and the way back to center.  

So when I find myself in that heavy-hearted, uninspired place, what I need to remind myself of is that I am allowed to have fun. I am allowed to enjoy my life.  I can strike a balance and find a way to be both a mother and a dream weaver.  I can do this life thing!  I just have to practice. I just have to believe in myself, my ability, my intuition, and all the possibility that my life holds.   I just have to do something, anything and everything I can to make things better and work to stay aligned and connected to my own heart. Nothing less is acceptable.  

*******************************************************************************

Here is a picture of Liam on his first day of Kindergarten.

Live, Love, Laugh,

Marcia