The Yoga of Life~
“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more” ( Anthony Robbins )
Hmmm.... where to begin? I haven't written a post in over a month and have been spending less time on line in general. Part of the reason I needed to spend less time on line is that a couple dear friends of mine have both suffered a great loss. Two of my dear friends lost their babies. My one friend lost her baby at 18 weeks or so pregnant and my other dear friend had to say goodbye to her baby just 8 days after he arrived. Hearing of this news hit my heart so deeply, and I think that I have been trying to recover from that. I think having suffered 2 miscarriages last year and experiencing complications and uncertainty after my own sons arrival over 4 years ago triggered a lot of emotions in me. I really feel for my two friends and wish there was more I could do to help them through this difficult time in their lives. Yet even as my heart and love goes out to these two beautiful women in my life, I must hold steady and maintain a certain amount of love and care for myself and my own baby. I must also remember how fortunate I am in this very moment to be having this experience of life and fullness that I am having and not feel bad about that. It is imperative that I appreciate this most auspicious time in my life and cherish each moment as it is for however long it lasts.
So this is where I am at, I am in week 32 of my pregnancy and all is going well. The weeks seem to be going fast and am just trying to get myself prepared for this little one's arrival. I have an ultrasound with some specialists on Wednesday to make sure our baby girl's heart is looking good and that there are no issues like a narrow aorta or any other special surprises with her heart. I am feeling pretty good physically but think that has a lot to do with the fact that I walk everyday and am still practicing 4 times a week. My practice sessions are generally 30-40 minutes but that does the trick and helps a ton. Of course, a lot of poses are out of reach at this time but there is still a lot I can do too so am grateful for that. I am definitely feeling the surge and sift of the hormones as it doesn't take much to make me weepy these days. I am simply riding the waves of life and staying focused on getting things done and together so that I can relax the last month of this pregnancy and rest as much as possible.
Of course, that is easier said than done and, well, everyday seems to provide me with plenty to work on at home, within my family and within myself. In particular, Liam has been really challenging these days with showing more anger and aggression in his actions like wanting to hit or pinch or spit at me and Jason when he feels frustrated or mad about something. At the moment, I am still just so surprised by this new development in him that some days it bums me out and brings me down. I am doing as much reading and research on this topic as I can to gain some insight on ways to help him express his anger or frustration in a more productive way and to gain some insight on how to handle this new phase as well as to gain some insight on how to be a better parent. Keeping my own energy and emotions in check is hard enough, so working with Liam and his changing energy and emotions is an added challenge. And, well, there is never a dull moment around the Tullous' household where I am not being pushed to learn and grow in some way everyday. All I can do is hang in there and keep trying to get this parenting and family thing right one day at a time. I guess it's a good thing that I get practice in patience, parenting, loving and living everyday because apparently I need it.
It's true that Family Yoga is serious yoga and the practice sessions are ongoing. There are no rest days in this practice. Some days, well, who am I kidding? Most days, I feel like a beginner, a novice, a mom without a clue. Other days, I feel better. I am hoping for more of the better days, the days where I feel less wobbly and more steady, but it may be a while since we are adding to the family dynamics. I get the feeling, though, that this new addition, this little girl who is already with us, is coming to help us balance things out and bring some lightness into our lives. A whole new time in my family's life is about to begin and that is exciting.
In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to take each day and moment as it comes and continue to show up each morning ready to participate and practice fully in the yoga of life with my family.
With Love and a Full Belly,