Things Change

Where to begin?  Well, my family and I were going to spend the weekend in Flagstaff but our plans have changed.  Jason was going to do a mountain bike race called the Barn Burner but a fire broke out near the event site and the smoke is too much so it was canceled.  We could still go up North to see our friends, but Jason still has some obligations to a couple of his athletes who have decided to come down to Tucson.  We have a couple other reasons for our decision but that doesn't really matter.


Admittedly, I am little bummed about not going as I was looking forward to getting out of town for a break from the heat and a visit with some friends.  I suppose an actual trip to visit with friends in Flag is in order.

There is talk about us still going camping for a night but nothing is in motion as of yet.  So for now it looks like there will be a fair amount of time spent in the pool this weekend.  I am still taking Sunday off from teaching to spend with my boys on Father's Day and am looking forward to it.

The heat has been rising and has been hard to adjust to.  I am feeling the effects of the high temperatures because I have been feeling very tired and have had a headache everyday.  The headaches don't really seem to go away so am working to resolve that.  Maybe I am dehydrated.  Maybe I'm stressed. Maybe my diet needs a change. Maybe I am holding back or holding to tight to some thing I need to let go of.  Who knows?  I bet it's a combinations of things rather than just one thing.  

Come to think of it,  I have noticed a lot of tension in my jaw lately.  In fact, while I was practicing the other day,  I noticed that every time I would lower to four-limbed staff pose (chaturanga dandasana) I would clench my jaw.  Clearly, there is a misalignment and am working with this in my practice.


I know this sort of a practice doesn't sound as exciting as if I said I was working on Scorpion,  but I find it rather intriguing.  The best part about this little realization is that I noticed I am tensing my jaw and jutting my chin forward all the time!  Also,  I often find that my tongue is pressing up against the roof of my mouth, and I have to continually remind myself to relax that area and move my neck and head back in line over my spine.  I see some studying and practicing of skull loop in my future until I get it.  ;)

I am sure it doesn't help to have so much on my mind as this only increases the pressure in and on my head.  However, I seem to be in this place of looking over my life.  It's like I am reviewing things so I know where I'm going and what it is I want because things have changed over the years.  In some ways, I feel like I am breaking with my past and letting go of this idea of who I thought I was in order to allow myself to be who I am. 

For some time now,  I have been asking myself why I never hear from certain friends even though I try to keep in touch.  I think it's time to stop asking what I'm doing wrong and trust that it is all right.  I guess life simply takes each of us where we need to go and sometimes paths diverge, so we say so long and best wishes to those we part ways with.  I feel a tinge of sadness in writing that, but I think I am beginning to understand this is just part of the process.  


I am learning that I need to allow life to happen without me trying to figure it out all the time.  Don't get me wrong, I think that some contemplation is good but too much is not, as my aching head will tell you.


Besides,  I always find I end up where I need to be whether I know where I am headed or not.  I suppose this is precisely how I found my way onto a mat.  From there, the rest of the story continues to unfold.  ;)


Best,
Marcia





Comments

  1. Don LivingstonJune 19, 2010 at 9:42 AM

    Hi, Marcia,

    > I know this sort of a practice doesn't sound as exciting as if I said I was working on Scorpion, but I find it rather intriguing. <

    Actually, this makes me proud of you. It's the type of thing a serious yogini attends to. We really aren't into yoga for the flash.

    > For some time now, I have been asking myself why I never hear from certain friends even though I try to keep in touch. I think it's time to stop asking what I'm doing wrong and trust that it is all right. I guess life simply takes each of us where we need to go and sometimes paths diverge, so we say so long and best wishes to those we part ways with. I feel a tinge of sadness in writing that, but I think I am beginning to understand this is just part of the process. <

    That's a tough one. I have one (former?) friendship now where I initiate all contact, and my buddy rarely responds. It's made me wonder whether the smarter thing to do is just not communicate. I mean, if someone doesn't respond, doesn't that signify they really don't want further contact? It may be the better part of politeness/love to not communicate. For this particular relationship I've decided that I will continue communication from my side without expecting any return. That way when the end of my life comes, I will know I have done the best I know how for our friendship. But I can also see that some circumstances might lead one to the other decision.

    > I am learning that I need to allow life to happen without me trying to figure it out all the time. <

    You make me smile. I'm still pissed off at the universe for not giving me a clear rule-book and constant feedback on what the scores are for me and everyone else on the planet. Accepting the ambiguity of life, though, is simply the only peaceful way to be. I think I'm better at that then I used to be. Hm. I wonder how many points I get for that?

    Don.

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