Long Week~

Jason is finally home after a week of being away. It's been a very long week with long days and lots of ups and downs. It's not so much that I can't manage with Jason gone because I can and I do... with help from my folks. I feel fortunate and grateful to have my mom and dad living so near because Liam stays with them when I go to teach.
What makes the time while he is away hard is not really having time for myself. This whole last week, Liam woke at about 5:30, sometimes earlier, and had a difficult time getting to sleep, so I didn't get out of his room at bedtime at the end of the day until around 9:45 p.m.. My only time away was to teach and then back home again to do what needs to be done. Today followed a similar trend.
Liam did share with me this evening that his ear hurts so it seems an ear infection may have developed either following the cold he just got over or it may be due to the fall into the pool, which is a story for another time. Either way, this may explain the more challenging than usual behavior and difficulty sleeping. Who knows? Some days these things are a mystery to me.
I have noticed that when I don't have some time to just unwind and recharge that it is much harder to stay calm and conscious when Liam gets worked up or when he is fighting his nap or simply not willing to work with me to help him. And what it comes down to is that parenting or being a good mom is a learn-as-you-go sort of thing. It doesn't matter how many books you read, though, I do find great ideas and new approaches to parenting that I am not familiar with, so I don't want to discount the value of educating oneself and investigating things further. In the end, though, each little person is unique and you have to get to know your little person and just try different approaches to see what your little one responds to.
I have definitely felt a need for a change in my/our approach to parenting. Some of the things we, Jason and I, are doing is working and some things... not so much. Liam is certainly pushing the limits and working it a bit if you will. I suppose he's playing the boundaries a bit out of curiosity or something.
A woman I know shared with me that we have moved from the terrible twos to the horrific threes but that by four things are much easier and better. That is a relief, I think? Truth be told, every time I have heard someone say something like the 'terrible' twos, I sort feel bummed by such a description and worry that thinking about this phase or age group in such a way may actually create that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be naive or discount the fact that maybe there is some validity to the challenges that come at this phase in childhood but calling something 'terrible' or 'horrific' makes it all the more difficult.
I still don't know what I am doing as a parent but feel I do a good job most of the time. On my less than stellar days, I am quick to apologize for my impatience or inability to stay calm. The good news is that Liam understands so much and we can actually talk about things and that is awesome.
Over this past week, I realized that there needs to be some change... I must do some investigating, some searching within myself and do some exploring or experimenting with different ways to help Liam, me and Jason grow and deal with what comes up whether its plain old stubbornness, emotions, cooperation, or lack there of, with as much awareness as possible.
I have discovered that in working with Liam that I need to be creative, playful, conscious, aware, compassionate and consistent. Some of these things I do well already and, well, other areas need some work.
So my task now is how to integrate all these aspects in a way that works and helps all three of us. I can see how the UPA's can come into play... At the moment, I am feeling the need to focus on Alignment Principle number one... Open to Grace... Surrender.... Soften.... I must allow the answers to come to me and move through me.
One thing I do know is that I am someone who needs time to myself to recharge. Also, I am and have always been very sensitive to the energy of others. Meaning, I feel what is going on beyond what my be said or portrayed. I suspect that Liam is the same way. This is why I must be aware of how I am handling things in the moment. I need to be aware of whether I am responding or reacting to things as they arise.
For example, when my little guy gets worked up, it bothers me. I need to keep that in check because he is having his own experience. I just want to be able to help and to reset the balance. I suppose the only way to help is to be present and stay centered within my heart so that I can respond in a loving way versus reacting out of frustration. However, try as I might, there will be times when I fall short so I need to learn to be more loving and forgiving of and with myself. Okay, clearly there is plenty to work on.
Phew! For some reason, I thought that this would be a short entry. Oh well, it's good to get it down on virtual paper. I do feel better and have a more clarity than when I began. I love it when that happens!
Love and Light,
Marcia

Comments

  1. I love your honesty in your writing. I can tell that it comes together for you while you are writing it.
    I think that the fact that you are so aware of the areas you want to work on shows what a good mama you are! Everyone breaks sometimes, we are all human. That is how our kids learn about being sensitive to other peoples feelings too. I lose my patience from exhaustion or just plain frustration sometimes too, but I try not to beat myself up for it too much. Much easier said than done I think! : )
    We are all a work in progress, especially when it comes to parenting... what our children need is always changing and so we must as well. And what they need isn't always what we think it will be. My Sophia has taught me to have more boundaries, or at least to be more clear with my own boundaries that I have for myself. The last thing I thought I would learn as a parent is that sometimes I need to give less or there will be nothing left to keep me going for anyone... but I guess that's why we are always learning. : )
    It is complicated in so many ways, but the naked truth is that if you are giving your children the best that you can everyday, even on the rough days you are doing an amazing job.
    I'd like to think that I know you well enough to say that you are an amazing mama, Marcia! and an amazing woman in your own right too!
    much love to you!!! : )

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  2. Having worked with so many children and their families, I can say without doubt that you are so far ahead of the game! Because of your practice, you already have an arsenal of tools at your disposal -- and you realize this.

    Taking the time to write and re-evaluate is all any of us can do in any situation of life. Raising a child is one of the greatest lessons in life that anyone can experience. We learn so much about others, but I think we learn a great deal about ourselves too.

    There are stages and each stage comes with its joys and its challenges -- all of them presenting us with an opportunity to grow.

    If you are ever interested, I have several books from my teaching days that can give you quick insight into the mind and development of the young child. I would be happy to loan them out to you.

    Rest in the knowledge that you are an incredible woman and mother -- two separate pieces that make up the whole. Liam is growing up in a loving and caring home, he will continue to grow and be nothing short of spectacular.

    Love to you,
    Candace

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