Confusion and Clarity
The last week or so has been up and down and I have been feeling really off, like something is amiss. I can't really put my finger on it and so am still in this I-don't-know place. Of course it doesn't help that Liam hasn't slept well the past couple of nights because we all wake up in a fog feeling tired and cranky. But that is beside the point or maybe it's not... I don't know?!
I have lots of questions right now and no real clarity or vision. The truth is, that really bothers me. I keep asking myself where am I going? What am I doing? Where is my vision of possibility? What do I want and why do I feel like I want more than I have? I don't mean this in the material sense. I mean this in the soul sense. All I know is that have a nagging feeling there is more. I just don't know what that is or what that means. It's as if there is this part of me that's been lying dormant for a long time, like a portion of me is in hiding just waiting for me to discover this other side of myself, this other talent so that I can free things up. For now all I CAN do is focus on what is in front of me, stay fixed on the good things, wait out the discomfort, and hope things turn around really soon.
Let me clarify that things in my life aren't bad and, in fact, things are good in most ways. It's just a bit of confusion and feeling a need for change or clarity or something... Again, like I said, I am in murky water. I am sure the silt will settle soon and things will clear up.
For now I float in muddy water, firmly set my roots, break the surface and continue to grow skyward in search of the light of understanding.
Trying really hard to be patient,