"Finding a balance between technique and creativity is an art. As we evolve our craft, we will all go through awkward and uncomfortable teaching experiences (I went through that last night myself). Better to move through such discomforts then staying in the comfort zone and not really evolving in our teaching."
I had one of these awkward teaching experiences tonight. It's not the first time and am guessing it won't be the last. I will admit that I have been feeling a bit off all day and know that such days come and go. Even still, after a night such as tonight, I leave questioning my approach, questioning my offering, questioning my ability. I get that this is in my mind and suppose this is just a habitual way of thinking on my part. This perspective is not set in stone and as my word of the evening and lesson of the day implies is possible to transform.
It's odd because I do have awesome teaching experiences most of the time and yet experience the opposite at other times. For example, I have one class that is still building and settling and am just having a tough time figuring the rhythm because it is different from my other two. Why is this? The only thing I can come up with is that the group is different. The other reason or thought that comes to mind is that I am trying to hard to please everybody and that might not be doable. But the truth is I'd like to think it is. I sincerely want all the students in attendance to feel better than when they walked in by the time they leave. I want to help. I want to connect. But I want to do so for the right reasons, for the highest good. I want to help because that is what I feel I am supposed to do.
I get that what I am experiencing are growing pains and such challenges will only serve to better my teaching. I get the growth. However, I wish things would settle and that I would feel more at ease when a challenging class experience comes to a close. Honestly, I just want to be at that place where I have found the perfect mix and balance in teaching, in living, in being. I wonder when that will come and if that will come when I feel that way within myself. Will that equilibrium come when I can create and maintain a sense of calm all the time?
Is that actually possible? Or does this go against the natural ebb and flow of things. One day up... another day down. Maybe it is simply about the mind and heart staying steady and connected. And do such changes feel less difficult and drastic the more adaptable we become? Hmmm.... something to think about, sit with, and investigate.
The conclusion that I have come to for tonight is that being a yoga teacher is an awesome responsibility and sacred opportunity. I know I have much to learn and sometimes feel overwhelmed by that thought, but don't want to discount how far I've come. So in the spirit of transmuting the negative into the positive and in effort to stay true to the lesson for today, all these questions and doubts are good in that they are helping me to better serve my students and allowing me to open to the possibility that I just may be doing this perfectly for now.
Getting Comfortably Uncomfortable.