A Sense of Center~

Over the past weekend I had the great pleasure of attending a class with Christina Sell.  It has a been a long time since I’ve been to a group class, so it felt really good to go and just be a student. And it felt really good to do some focused work, which Christina is so gifted at teaching and creating space for. And though it would be easy to assume that I only like  a passive or gentle practice, since I practice alone a lot and I only teach intro, basics and restorative classes, but that’s simply not the case. I actually really love to work and love having long periods where I have to focus on what I am feeling as I move through a practice just as much as I love doing nothing (like in Restorative Yoga). I love both an active and passive practice and feel that both are necessary for balanced well being. At least they are for me. 

Anyway, when I first arrived at YogaOasis on Saturday for the class, I felt really overwhelmed by how packed the room was and how busy the studio was.  I knew it would be busy but am always amazed at how overwhelming large group classes are for me. 

Over the years I have come to understand how incredibly sensitive I am and how sensitive my nervous system is. And most people probably don’t know that I struggle with social anxiety, but I do. I struggle with social anxiety probably because large group events feel like being hit with a wall of intense, nervous, excited energy, or whatever else is floating around. And since I feel people’s energy first, that’s what hits me first anywhere and everywhere I go and it can be a lot to process. It’s strange because I teach public, group classes and you would think that this too would be overwhelming, but somehow it’s not. Teaching a group of people yoga is different. I’m not sure why that is or how, it just is.  

And as much as I love practicing alone for the nourishment and quiet attentiveness a solo practice offers,  it’s also good for me to practice with others.  

So as I bravely entered the packed room of students on Saturday evening, I focused on my breath and finding a spot.  Once I unrolled my mat and sat down,  I started to settle.  And as soon as we closed our eyes and the class really began, I was just fine.  

And here is the great gift of what came next: I realized that yoga is just about me and my mat, my breath, my body, my heart.  It’s my practice. And I realized that this is the depth of connection that I have cultivated and created over the last 18 years of practice.  And I guess the best part about putting myself in a crowd and out of my comfort zone is that I realized how fast I can go in. I can move inward so fast and so fully that I don’t even notice that other people  are in the room with me.  Again, it’s back to just me and my mat, my breath, my body, my heart. That is the sacredness of the practice for me. 

As yoga has become more and more popular and commercial over the years, one could easily assume it’s simply exercise to stay fit and youthful. So it’s easy to view yoga as an external practice as we focus on moving the body and focus on aligning the body just so, but what I’ve come to discover is that yoga really is an internal practice. The practice of the postures and the body are just the vehicle that drive us inward toward our own center, toward our own heart.

And this is one of the main reasons why I practice. I practice to have a sense of center not just on my mat in a crowded room but also, and more importantly, so that I can feel into that place within me wherever I am out in the world. 

I hope you find that too. I hope that whether you are on your mat and feeling uncomfortable or whether you are out in the world and feeling uncomfortable that you can find and feel into your own center and feel at home wherever you are. 

Namaste~ Marcia