Floating and Flowing...
Jason left for France this morning, and I miss him. The first day he is gone is the strangest. Life in our little house is quieter and the rhythm is different. Liam is asleep and did pretty well going down tonight, so here I am in the living room and it's 9:45 on Friday night. I am wide awake instead of nearly falling asleep. I think my practice and the thunderstorm might have a little something to do with this. I am so glad it poured and the water drenched the dry earth cause there is nothing like the rain on a hot summer's night to set things right. And the smell of the desert after it rains is so fresh and unforgettable.
So here I am trying to figure out what is I do when Jason is not home. Time alone at night always seems to lend itself to thinking about things... Things here in Tucson have been really good. My classes at YO are going really well and have been full. The connection with the students has been out this world and the way I feel after I teach is hard to explain and even harder to contain. The funny thing is I am always happily surprised by all who show and how everything really seems to be flowing for me. Maybe that is because for so long it felt like I was having a hard time taping into the creative energy here since the flow and way of things in Tucson is so different from Colorado Springs. I am not sure if things here have shifted or if I have but think it may be a little of both.
When I first got here, all I could think about was what I gave up and how I wanted that back. Now, I am really beginning to see all the blessings coming to me. I am so grateful I was able to find a home at Yoga Oasis and that my classes are doing well. I am even more grateful to be past the phase of major insecurity and worry over whether I was worthy of this opportunity. I think I was worried that I was not at the level of teaching that I thought people would expect or that my approach would be to different. It seems that most folks just expect me to be myself, which is something I believe in and want too. Overall, I feel that my teaching has improved and all the tests the Universe has put me through have only helped make me stronger and more clear on things.
In a lot of ways, I feel like I have finally risen above my doubt and my long-held, habitual thoughts of myself or my idea of myself to have a better look. It is like I am looking down on myself as if bird taking in the world below... Eagle eye vision. Self-doubt is a big lesson I have been trying to learn from for a long time. I hope this higher perspective is long lasting and life changing.