Too Much on My Mind...
April 1, 2009~
I woke this morning still holding a head full of thoughts. My mind was unfocused and on to many things all at once. I spent some time at B-Line cafe this morning writing to try to put some of these thoughts somewhere other than just in my head because this usually helps.
But... There I sat thinking about last night's class, the strange dreams I had, this special day, my 9-year anniversary with Jason, and weaning my son. I find that I tend to linger a bit on things.
For example, I am glad that Liam and I are working toward weaning and that shift in our relationship but feel a little sad too. It's a strange bitter, sweet change. Those moments when I sit and hold him at breast are so tender and special. It really is hard to put into words that feeling I have when I hold him near and he gazes up at me and me down at him. It is hard to believe he is getting so big and that this phase will soon pass. I want to remember this time as vividly as I can and really breathe in every moment.
As for the rest of the things that have been on my mind, they seem to have faded and settled into the background. On some level I know I am in a place and time of refinement. Refinement of myself, my life, my practice and my teaching. Keeping that in mind helps me to let go of trying to figure everything out right now and just allow the shape of my soul to be shown over time.
I am tired and in need of rest. Rest for my body, my mind and heart. I hope my dreams tonight are as interesting and informative as last night's were.