Monday, April 28, 2014

The Year of Tens~


This year marks the year of tens.  On March 16th I turned 40, thus ending one decade and beginning a new one.  In May, May 2nd to be exact, I celebrate my 10th year teaching yoga.  And, this year also marks 10 years ago that Jason and I moved away from Flagstaff.

Which brings me to my point, which is that this seems to be a full-circle moment or time in my life.  It very much feels like I am at a starting point, that the turn of the wheel is complete and now begins a whole new phase of living and learning.

At the beginning of March,  my husband resigned his position with CTS, the company he's been a part of and working for over the past 11 years.  He was just ready to move on and out into the world more.  And so we agreed that it was worth the leap.  In the midst of that change, we decided to make another change, as we figured there is no reason to hold back or wait for what we know we want.

So here's a little back story...

Last summer we went to Flagstaff for a few days for fun and to just to get a break from the heat.  While there, we both realized how much we missed Flagstaff, the trees and the peace of living in a smaller town.  So after much consideration, we have decided to move back to Flag.

We both agree that we would like to raise our kids in a smaller town and be closer to trails. We miss the seasons and cooler temperatures and the welcome, relaxed feel of Flagstaff. And frankly, I think we need this move just as much as we want it. So it's a good choice all the way around.

Actually, since Jason and I decided we were gonna move to Flagstaff, I have had this one word that keeps coming up for me. That word is: roots. So I guess I really think about this move back to the mountains as getting back to basics, setting down roots and beginning again. And to tell the truth, I have never felt more at home than in Flagstaff.  And all my life I have been in search of home.

Growing up any army brat and moving every 3 years doesn't exactly help one to know what home is. And for a long time, I think home was an idea more than a feeling for me. Now, instead of searching for this ideal place, I am  simply after the feeling of being home. And for me, as is with most things, I know it when I feel it. It's an inner knowing or resonance that let's me know when things are right or not. And now, I just trust that feeling and myself to make the right choice or choices. And I know Flagstaff is it because of the way I feel when I am up there. Every time I have gone back to visit,  I get the same feeling of relief. It's like I can take a deep breath in and enjoy it. That's the best way I can explain it.

So even though I know this is the right thing to do for me and my family, it hasn't been an easy decision to make. It hasn't been easy because my parents live here in Tucson and we are all very close.  We see my parents weekly and they help us a lot. So not seeing them as often will take some getting used to. The good news is we can just take a short drive down the hill back to T-town for a visit, or they can drive up the hill to see us.  : )

The other part of this choice that is bittersweet is the fact that I will not be teaching regularly at YogaOasis anymore.  It brings a little sadness to my heart as I love YogaOasis so much and my regular students are family to me.  YO really is my other home. Even though I will not be teaching my regular classes each week,  I will continue to come down to teach workshops every other month or so, and I will very much look forward to that.

I guess the leaving is never easy, even when you're ready to go. We have been here for nearly 7 years and, after a while, a place grows on you and becomes part of your life story. It's amazing to think that Liam was just 11 months old when we moved here and hadn't yet started walking. And at that time, we were a family of 3 and now we are 4. We've all done a lot of  learning and growing here in Tucson. I am grateful for all the opportunities of growth I've had here even when it was hard. I am grateful for it all.

At this point, I really just want to make the most of my time here and focus on the positives of our choice versus the perceived negatives or the sad parts. I want to arrive in the woods ready to embrace the new. I didn't do that when we first moved here to Tucson, and I suffered because of it. And I'm sure my discontent and difficulty in letting go of Colorado Springs wasn't easy on Jason either.  So I will choose differently this time so that we are happy going into this together. I will choose differently because it matters for all of us and not just me.

In closing, I hope to see some of you lovely Tucson peeps in class, over tea or coffee, dinner or play time before we leave. My last regular classes will be June 3, 5, and 8.  Also,  I am teaching another series of 4 Restorative classes.  The dates for that are as follows: May 10, 18, 31, and June 7  .  Please sign up and join me! And if you are in need of some trees, cool air and a beautiful hike, come up and see us. We would love your company.

Restorative Yoga Series details: 
YogaOasis: Article

With Love,

Me and Mr. Mingus in Oak Creek Canyon
West Fork trail~

Friday, April 25, 2014

I Write~

I Write~

I write my heart out
to know,
to clear the clutter,
to be bare 
and honest
and real about the way I feel.

I write my heart out 
so that I can find my way forward
and through.

I don't care anymore
 if it is proper 
or clear
to anyone but me.

I don't write for another person's approval
or fancy.
I write for my own delight.

I write to free myself 
from fear
or judgement
or feeling confined and confused.

I write to think.

And even as my hand drags this pen across the page,
I write for stillness,
to make space on the inside
to dream,
to understand,
to realign my insides.

And in the movement,
there is a space of quiet,
a moment to slow things down.
 A moment to slow the ticking of the clock down,
to hold this time and this place
for a moment longer. 

I write my heart out because it works.
And I am never more honest than when I come to the page.

And though I mostly work with black ink
and a white page,
there is color and texture,
light and shadow
richness and radical edges
that brings this art together,
and sews me back together.

And, truly, this is all that I am after:

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Somewhere in the middle...

I had to go back and read my last entry to find out where I left off and to see how long it had been since my last entry.  I'm  still in it.  Life is a whirling blur and so much seems to be shifting and changing in our lives, and I swear nearly every blog entry starts that way.  I'm staying true to the trend. 

Since my last entry,  I taught a 4-week restorative yoga series, 3 yoga and writing sessions, I turned 40, and my husband resigned from his job of the last 11 years. It's been an interesting time.  It kinda feels like we are floating in space, not really anchored to anything but not lost in some black hole either.  


I have really enjoyed branching out with my teaching and trying new things.  The restorative series went really well and had an amazing turn out.  So many of the students shared with me how much they loved it and how good they felt, and how well they slept.  Many were surprised at the potency of such a practice.  Most of the folks who attended this series have inquired as to whether an ongoing class will happen.  Unfortunately, at this time, there is no room on the schedule at YO central for a regular, ongoing restorative class.  YO central is a busy place and for very good reason! On my end,  it was a joy and a challenge to teach this series.  I have some learning and refining to do in this area of teaching but loved doing it all the same.  

As for the yoga and writing series.  Teaching that felt pretty natural and have had fun with it.  I would love to add to that and so will keep at it.  I guess with both the restorative and the yoga and writing I really just wanted to go for what I thought was needed at this time.  Also,  I really just wanted to give myself permission to share what I love and what works for me with others in the hopes that it might work for them too.  I guess at nearly 10 years of teaching you start to figure your own way.  It's a growing up of sorts I'd say.  

I think for a long time I really wanted and thought I had to have a mentor, a teacher to teach me everything.  I tried to make that happen, to have a teacher to teach me and take me under their wing so to speak.  But the truth is,  no matter how hard I tried,  it's just never happened.  The teachers that I wanted to mentor me or that I thought would be good mentors for me were always too busy and, in many regards, out of reach.  I don't mean out of reach in the sense that we are not on level playing field, but more like they just weren't available.  I think at this point,  I've just given up on that whole idea.  I think that things are just not gonna happen for me that way.  And the more I think about this, the more I realize that some of us are just meant to find our own way and tread our own trail.  

I used to get bummed out about this, but I don't anymore. I realize now that teachings come to me in a multitude of ways: through books, poems, music, students, other teachers, my kids, my life, and so on and so forth.  Now I just try to stay open and trust what I am drawn to or inspired by.  I do miss being in group learning experience and want to get to a training and some workshops.  I just haven't had that sort of extra income for a while.  I still really want to do a restorative training with Judith Lasater and hope to do that this year.  In the meantime, however,  I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and allow myself to try new things and  learn as much as I can from both my successes and my failures, or rather, my mistakes.  Failure sounds so final.  Mistake sounds manageable. 

I guess teaching is no different from living when I think about it. Both require you to be an eternal student, and both insist that you find your own way to what is true and really works for you.  And good teaching and living a good life are ongoing practices. And practicing at anything is really a matter of choice.  We have to work at the things that matter and yet it's not all about the work.  It's about what happens in the midst of the work. It's in the process that the prize is found.  I know somebody else said something similar to that like:  "the prize is in the process" but cannot remember who.  

Anyway, it's true. Or at least it is for me.  ; )

Take great care,