Full of Faith~

I must have a lot on my mind if I am writing a second post in one month!  I usually post once a month, though,  I would like to post more.  I am not sure where this is going but will begin with what's been on my mind...

I have been thinking a lot about teaching and having a teacher and being a student and feeling very much at the beginning in some ways, and yet finding myself in a more mature place than ever in my life, practice and teaching. What I mean is that I am really trusting myself and my own way doing things not just in teaching but in all areas of my life. I feel a deep sense of gratitude for this. 

 It's all been so strange since the dissolution of Anusara.  Now, I know that the Anusara method still exists and some amazing people are still out there sharing the best parts of this system of yoga, and I think that is incredible and brave. That said, it does not feel present to me anymore.  In fact, sometimes it feels like that time, the time spent at immersions and teacher trainings with John, is a far off dream.  I remember my time spent at these gatherings with fondness, yet those moments and teachings are not as vivid or prominent in my life as I figured they would be.  Maybe in order for me to really forward, though, onto the next phase of my learning journey,  I have to let go of some of that, my past.  I am sure I will naturally keep what is essential as it will either already be a part of me or it won't.  

Anyway,  I find myself in a strange new land of not really being sold on any one style or teacher at this time.  I have had wonderful teachers who have influenced and inspired me greatly and who have taught me a lot along the way.  But at this time, they are not really present in my life as my teacher.  Maybe this is because I am getting most of my teachings from my children and my own life and that is keeping me quite busy and occupied.  

Even so,  I crave learning.  I want to improve and refine my skills not only as a teacher but as a human being and as a spiritual being.  So I've been contemplating a lot this idea of having a teacher, or someone to learn from.  And the more I think about it,  the more I realize that this idea of one teacher just does not work for me.  I think that sometimes we are our own best teachers and that we just have to learn and discover some things on our own for ourselves. In some ways,  I think we can get hooked on having other people inspire us and tell us how we should be doing things: the way to sequence, the way to teach, to theme or not to theme, the exact way to do a posture, the right teaching language, what we should know about the history and philosophy of yoga, and so on and so on.  Don't get me wrong,  I know that good teachers have a lot of personal experience to back up their approach to teaching and practice and that is what is passed on.  I can appreciate that for sure. That said,  there is no one right, perfect, better way to do this.  There is just the best way each individual knows how.  And you either jive with that or you don't. 

Not long ago I had registered to take a Restorative Yoga teacher training with Judith Hanson Lasater in Austin, Texas, for this October.  I was very excited about going and learning and just being in the presence of a long-time yoga teacher and seeker on the path.  Unfortunately,  I had to cancel my participation in this training due to needing to use our funds for Lila's dental work.  Needless to say,  I am bummed and still wish I could go, but I know this is the right thing to do at this time for me and my family.  I will just have to pick another training to attend in the very near future. Maybe I will attend her training in Boston, MA, in March as my 40th birthday present to myself.  Either way,  I will get it worked out, and I will get there because I need it and want it. 

So here I am back at this place of not really calling any one particular person my teacher.  It feels odd and open all at the same time.  I think I am just wanting and willing to learn from anyone, everyone and everything. I guess I am more interested in finding my way and not just following one way.  I keep feeding myself and learning through reading and writing and practice and just allowing myself to be inspired in a multitude of ways through art, music and more.  Maybe I can do some online courses to take in a little more.  I have yet to do that anyway.  And although it seems these days there has been little extra in the way of money, we always have plenty of what we need.  So maybe I am getting exactly what I need right here, right now,  and there is no need to search out more than what is already there.  Huh, that's a thought.  I'll sit with that one a bit. 

I guess I'll end with this quote that caught my eye yesterday:

"...life has taught me that it knows better plans than we can imagine, so that I try to submerge my own desires...into a calm willingness to accept what comes, and to make the most of it, then wait again." 
(Julia Seton- By a Thousand Fires)

So now, I will submerge my own desires into a calm willingness to accept what comes and stay open to what life has to teach me, wait and thenmove forward when the time feels right. 

Full of Faith~



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