Wednesday, May 18, 2011



I'm making rice.  The wind is wild and blowing outside.  It's a stay-close-to-home sort of day as I am feeling quite fatigued and emotional. This tired I am feeling is not usual for me.  These, of course, are all signs that I am nearing the end of this sweet pregnancy.  Now, I am in a place of contemplation, trying to get clear if I need to begin my break from teaching a week early.  On the one hand, my mind says, "you can make it through the next few days."  While on the other hand, my body is saying,  "it's break time my love."   So I will sit with this question and see how I feel in the morning.  Today is a day to just be.

Since I am home, I have been doing a fair amount of thinking. I have been thinking a lot about my friend Heather.  Everyday I visit her blog to read the words she has written and open myself to the teachings she and her beautiful son, Max, have to share and offer.  Every time I visit this blog,  I cry.  I cry for Heather's loss. I cry for the love she and every mother has for their child.  I cry for the beauty and heartfelt sharing that each person offers up and how each person pours their hearts out in the comment box.  I cry knowing that each day my dear friend wakes, she decides to do something good in whatever way she can.  I do not know,  but imagine she wakes with a deep ache, a deep longing in her heart to have her son near and to get out of bed to pump Max's Milk and send it out into the world to babies in need of mother's milk is a heroic feat in and of itself.

Everyday Heather wakes, she decides to respond to what life has handed her instead of react and retract from the pain.  I am moved by her ability to love, to be courageous, to be so vulnerable and yet so alive and present with it all.  Heather is a shining example of a spiritual being, an honest to goodness human being, a spiritual warrior with a heart that has been split wide open.

So, please, if you have not visited the site listed below,  take some time to do so now. Visit the High Five Max web page and read what Heather has written and what other people have offered up as love in the form of words in a show of support for a mother and son who are most deserving of it.

I hope you will be moved to Love more deeply, more fully because you want to not because you have to.  I hope you remember to look around and be grateful for all the good in your life and really appreciate all the people in your life because they won't be here forever.  I hope you decide to do your best, to live your best and keep opening your heart again and again knowing there are no guarantees you will not get hurt. Instead,  I hope you will realize that Letting Love In, letting Life in is worth the risk every time.  The question is,  what will you decide to do with what life brings you?  How will you make good on your promise to live this life well?  Remember, we get to choose.  So...  Do you choose LOVE or do you choose Fear?



Tuesday, May 17, 2011


I can't believe it's been nearly a month since my last post.  Where does the time go?  Each day comes and goes so quickly lately.  You'd think at this point it would seem to me to be dragging but it isn't.

I am a Ripe 36 weeks and 5 days.  I am nearing the end of this miraculous experience and just hoping I will somehow remember what it feels like when this little babe is swimming around on the inside and stretching here little limbs as much as she can in her ever-shrinking home.  My favorite part is feeling her move and feeling her energy with my hands through my belly.

People ask me if I am ready for her to come, if I am ready to be done with being pregnant.  I don't feel that way at all.  Yes, I am excited to meet my daughter and set my eyes upon here beautiful physical form, but I am in no hurry.  I know this will be the last time I will be pregnant, so it is important for me to savor this very special time in my life.  It is important for me to love and embrace the fullness of my form and love my very ripe belly for it will never be this full of life again.  Soon, this time will be over and it will be a year later and I will be asking myself where the time went and how did my daughter grow so fast.  It's a good lesson in taking life day by day instead rushing ahead to the main event.  Isn't life full enough of rushing ahead?

I will share that showing up to teach is more challenging as of late as my energy level has changed.  Of course,  my classes always go well and both the students and myself leave feeling happy and bright, which is perfect.  I am showing up and doing the best I can without putting undue pressure on myself to have all the elements spot on.  I just show up, offer up what I've got and it unfolds as it should.  If I start to feel overwhelmingly tired, then I will start my break a earlier so that I have a little time before this baby girl makes her debut.

Today, I felt a noticeable shift in my body.  I had some cramping front to back, off and on all day and can feel my baby's head is low in my pelvis.  I certainly feel heaviness and achiness in the groin and pelvic area, so I am thinking that this baby will be here very soon.

Mostly each day has been about getting things in order in our house to welcome our newest member while continuing to do what needs to be done.  I work in spurts.  One day,  I have energy to get things done and the next I need to rest. I only have a little left to do,  but  I know I need to rest too.

Speaking of rest, it's late.  I need to sleep.  Good night.

Sweet Dreams,