Thursday, January 27, 2011

Big Breath and Audible Sigh

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Colorado Springs trying to wrap my head around all that has transpired in the last few days, weeks, months.  I arrived late on Sunday, January 23, just in time to go to court on Monday morning to move forward with the eviction of our current tenant.  My travels to Colorado were smooth, and I made it on time to my court hearing.  Since that point, though,  the rest of my time here has been stressful, draining, and challenging.

I finally got word that a judgement on the possession of our house was passed down, which is a relief.  Jason and I have been granted possession of our townhouse and are just now waiting on a deputy to be assigned to our case. Once the sheriff is assigned to our case, we wait to hear word as to when we will be able to go to the house and help our renter remove the rest of his belongings.  

I met with a property manager this morning who went through the house with me and it was both a sobering and depressing experience.  Our little town home is trashed, and it will take some serious cleaning, repairs and an army of people to get it back in renting condition.  After seeing the state of the house in detail today,  I had a good cry.  I feel angry after seeing our home and am deeply disappointed by this persons lack of care and respect for the house and even for himself.  It really is a sad situation.  

At this point,  I am just ready to move forward and get this mess cleaned up.  I am missing my boys and home in general.  I am grateful that we are getting closer to having this problem resolved and to having some clarity as to my family's next step to improve and change our circumstances.  

Obviously, both my Jason and I have learned a lot from this experience.   I can't help but wonder if this is a lesson for us or for our renter or both.  What does it all mean?!  Is 'Hire a Property Manage' or 'Don't trust people' the take home message?    Seriously, I can't help but wonder what it is that I am to learn from all this.  So far,  I just think the legal system and being a landlady SUCKS.  I suppose that thought doesn't really help me, though.  Right now,  I am a landlady and must do what needs to be done and, in the meantime, hope and pray and do whatever the hell I can to insure this does not happen again.  

So... Onward and Upward... Making things happen for the better one step at a time.  

Big Breath and Audible Sigh,


Saturday, January 8, 2011


Tomorrow's class and practice will be a peace offering.  Please join me in moving with meaning and offering our love and light to those in need.

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti,


Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Happy New Year!  We are officially at the start of a new year, a new beginning.  All over facebook there are posts bubbling with excitement at what the new year holds.  It seems many have a feeling of elation and determination at the start of the year, which is great and am sure some momentum helps.  I wish I could say that I felt such elation but I don't. This is not to say that I am not ready to welcome something new and different because I am.

However, I find that I am not overly excited about the new year.  As a matter of fact,  I don't feel any extreme swing in my emotions at all. Maybe that is a good thing as with high highs come low lows. Still I find myself wondering when and if such joy at the start will hit me at some later point.  Maybe I am just at place in life where I am taking it one day at a time and the amount of hope in my heart and my knowledge of my life as being full of possibility stays steady.

I have many friends in the yoga community who I see on this path, many of them new to yoga and a fair amount more versed,  with lots of momentum and joy built up over the past year.  2011 holds great possibility as well it should after so much effort was put in over the past year. I get that many have just been pulled onto the path and this new land is fresh and exciting and there is much to feel inspired and motivated by, yet here I am having the opposite experience. It's hard not to feel like I am missing out in some way as I feel the buzz of excitement all around me.  It's quite an interesting thing to be taking a step back in some ways and being at peace with it.  So here I am in this funny place of wanting to continue my growth and learning on this path while knowing that I can really only give so much to this endeavor at this time.  My energy and attention is needed elsewhere.  As things progress in on one area, things must slow in another.  That is just the natural way of things.

As you might imagine, I am in a very contemplative place at this time and this is certainly due to the fact that my life and body are in a state of flux.  It's odd that being pregnant this time feels so new and different.  It's a fascinating place to be in because this particular process of change and growth on physical level comes with some serious shifting on the inside.

It's funny that I am still surprised at the fact that I am pregnant and already this far along. I suppose that's because it was hard to get here and it took a while.  It feels a bit surreal, like I've leaped into another lifetime.  

I feel fortunate for all that I have learned from my practice with regard to learning to really be in the flow of life and learning how to embrace where my life is leading me even if that means I am traveling a different direction and have less company at the moment.  I realize I am lucky to have this perspective of practice and teaching while pregnant, for there is a lot to learn in the process of change.  Since I am in a place of great change,  I am sure to learn great things.  

Here's to the beauty and mystery of life.  

Blessings to each of you for a Joyful and Enlightening Year. May this year be full of all the things that make your heart truly happy.