Luminous Lotus~

I have experienced a lot of ups and downs this week,  moments of fogginess and clarity, feelings of worthiness and unworthiness.   The Spanda, the Universal pulsation, is evident and ever present.   On Tuesday evening after class, I felt tired and like the class was hard work.  I was a little surprised and bummed by the challenge of it simply because I wanted it to be a little smoother.  However, it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was.  It was certainly a mixed bunch.  I had returning students, brand new students and those with some physical and visual challenges.  In general, it just felt like the students were in a funny place, like everyone was having a hard time being there, listening, and understanding.  It felt like the heat had sucked the life out of folks and the heaviness of the heat made everyone lethargic and dull.  I think by the end it turned out okay but I didn't leave feeling that way.... I think it just happens that way sometimes and I am learning to rol...

April 10, 2009~ A couple of months back I decided to create a facebook profile because a dear friend continued to insist I do so.  I resisted for a while because I was doing just fine with email.  Clearly, I didn't know what I was missing.  Anyway, since my profile was established it has turned into something quite wonderful.  I am so glad I did join the facebook community because I love it.  I have been in contact with so many people I didn't think I'd see, let alone hear from again.   I've rekindled my friendship with a dear friend I've known since I was 13 and living in Stuttgart Germany, reconnected with a friend from my high school days who has blossomed into the artist he was always meant to be, and am getting to know new friends better across the Internet lines.  I am quite thrilled by all this and, in some weird way, I feel like I hang out with a friend everyday in this way.  In fact, I am one of those folks who visits daily and, often, more than once. ...

April 1, 2009~ I woke this morning still holding a head full of thoughts.  My mind was unfocused and on to many things all at once.  I spent some time at B-Line cafe this morning writing to try to put some of these thoughts somewhere other than just in my head because this usually helps.  But... There I sat thinking about last night's class, the strange dreams I had, this special day, my 9-year anniversary with Jason, and weaning my son.  I find that I tend to linger a bit on things.  For example,  I am glad that Liam and I are working toward weaning and that shift in our relationship but feel a little sad too.  It's a strange bitter, sweet change.  Those moments when I sit and hold him at breast are so tender and special.  It really is hard to put into words that feeling I have when I hold him near and he gazes up at me and me down at him. It is hard to believe he is getting so big and that this phase will soon pass. I want to remember this time as vividly as I can and real...