Luminous Lotus~

I want you all to know how much lighter I feel after sharing here on my blog. I felt a major shift after doing so.  It was kind of a scary thing to do. I wondered and worried if I was over sharing, or if this kind of sharing was really necessary.  I realize now, though, that it was necessary for me to write, to share, to open in that way. I needed to get those words out, those heavy feelings out because I had been holding them in and down for far too long. I guess I assumed that the healing would magically happen on it's own,  that those feelings would eventually just quietly go away. Instead, they cried their way out, yelled their way out, and wrote their way out as they needed to. And here I thought I could skip the work. Of course, that is not possible. Since sharing that post publicly, I have been blown away by the outpouring of love and support and also a little freaked out. I got a little freaked out worrying that people were thinking that my life is crazy h...

It's late.  Everyone else is asleep.  I should be in bed too as I've been so bone tired and worn down.  But I can't sleep with all these thoughts and worries whirling through my head.  And as much as I want to sleep,  I also need to say what's bothering me out loud. I feel I need to out myself, to express myself because there's this part of me that is not being expressed or acknowledged or shown. And I am tired of holding it in, of saying nothing because every night I stumble to my bed heavy with exhaustion and a brain that hurts, too tired to sit down and write what I know needs to be written.  For at least 3 weeks now, I have struggled with a strange anger and sadness and guilt and, I think, depression. I think I may be in a depression because I have cried everyday for at least three weeks. Crying is not unusual for me as I cry when I feel overwhelmed, angry, or tired. But the fact that I have yelled at my kids and cried at least once everyday for th...