Luminous Lotus~

It's late, I'm tired and I feel crummy.  I really should be in bed but can't go to sleep with all this that's on my mind.  I'll never rest well unless I get a bit of this out. I have been wanting to write but have been putting it off in a way.  I have been journaling daily, which is something I love to do, but have not been writing about one particular thing.  I have had something on my mind, this coming and going sort of thought that I talk down or just sit with to see if it will subside, but, well, it doesn't or hasn't yet.  I don't know if my ups and downs have to do simply with hormones or not, but wish I could just blame my state on that as it would be easier then really looking at my stuff. And the truth is there is a lot of stuff coming up for me.  I am sure due in part to the fact that I am undergoing serious changes inside and out.  My body is changing, my life is changing, and I am changing.  My practice is something new...

Yes, it's true that I am over the moon with joy.  My intuition was validated yesterday at the fetal echo ultrasound when Jason and I found out that our little baby is a girl and she's healthy.  I have felt that this baby I'm carrying is a little girl since the start. I think she is speaking to me and sharing a lot about herself with me already.  I think of her, and I think of birds and lightheartedness and joy.  She must be a happy soul. Mostly,  I am deeply grateful for this gift and experience.  I am excited to meet this little person, to see her and hold her.   I am in no rush, though, because I am so enjoying being pregnant.  I want to embrace every moment of this experience because this will be my last pregnancy and it is a miraculous and wonderful event. It really feels to me that things in life have shifted for us,  for me and my family that is.  It feels like things have gone from really intense and difficult to light and ...