Sunday, November 27, 2011

Zen and the Art of Moving~





It’s been nearly two months since I last updated my blog and this is the fourth time I have taken time to write. I am just now finally able to complete an entry.  A lot has gone on in the past couple of months. Life and the little ones are keeping me busy. My family and I have moved house, and we are still in the process of unpacking, organizing, decorating and settling in.  I forgot how long it takes to get settled.  I am impatient and am again reminded of how difficult big changes like this are for me. It has been a hard time for me personally on many levels. 
I think that I have been in a mourning process of sorts.  I knew that we were foreclosing on our little two-bedroom house and even though I do feel we made the right choice in our situation, it hasn’t been easy.   I am still sad we had to say goodbye to our little house with Olive trees.  I had a lot of vision for that little house and we put a lot of love into that place.  That being said, I don’t know that it would have ever been what I desired or envisioned it to be. 
We are in a new place, in a totally different area of town and it is nearly twice the size of our old place.  It’s a great house with some awesome features.  It has a solar water heater, two rain-water harvesters and has a great big kitchen.  There are a lot of wonderful things about this new place.  And as it comes together and starts to look and feel more like our home, it will be even better.  I don’t want to overlook the good or fail to see the positives of this fortunate situation,  so I am making an effort to embrace the newness while still allowing myself to process the loss of our former house in my own way and in my own time.  
Everything feels so strange but that's not a bad thing.  I am just noticing that change is uncomfortable for me.  But isn’t that always the way?  And really,  change never occurs on just one level, it occurs on many levels and requires that we also look at and shift the inside so that things also line up on the outside.  So there is a lot of internal reworking on things going on for me. 


It’s odd to think that I was pregnant at this time last year and watching and feeling by body change week by week as my little Lila grew and changed too.  Here it is 5 months later, and life is still full of shifts.  It is amazing how having a baby, no matter if it is your first or your third, changes EVERYTHING in a miraculous and surprising way.  Lila has brought a lot of newness, love and light into our world and for that I am so thankful.
As I have been experiencing the ups and downs of life and have been in the midst of change for the past year, I have come to realize a few things about myself. I now see more clearly then ever my impatience with myself and others, my tendency to complain and focus on the negative, and  I now see how hard I am on myself and how impossibly high my expectations often are. Perfectionism has never been good for me. I get it.  
I think that having the ability to notice these things about myself is a real gift because I can finally see how these things are NOT serving me.  All I am doing is tearing myself and my life down. How is that good?  It’s not. So the awareness is good but will do me no good unless I do something to change these habits.  


So now begins the process of doing something with all that I am learning.  Now begins the process of choosing my thoughts more carefully, of making an effort to look at and appreciate all the good in my life on a daily basis and not just on Thanksgiving day or when I feel good because, as I have recently learned, gratitude and happiness are an every day, moment to moment choice.  Gratitude is a process and a practice of appreciating what is, which leads to a feeling of contentment and ultimately to happiness.  And, as we all know, joy is contagious. So why not bring more of both contentment and joy into my life so that my family feels more of that too? 

I guess the long and short of all this is that change may not be easy, but it is necessary and can be good.  The positive is that with change comes new energy, a new vision and opportunity for growth.  A change in location really does lend itself to a shift in perspective. With all this moving and shaking going on, I now see where there is room for improvement and a need to do some cleaning up within myself. In the process of getting rid of old clothes, furniture and things that are no longer needed, I also get a chance to do away with the things that no longer serve me.  So out with old and in with the new...  


Ever Grateful and More Aware everyday,
Marcia


Lila at play...