Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that Spirit invested in you at birth is present once again.
~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
Today marks my 37th birthday, another year around the sun, a turning point in more ways than one. Yes, this is a day to celebrate today and reflect upon yesterday so that is what I will do.
One year ago today, I was in the middle of my first miscarriage so last years birthday wasn't quite as light and joyful as this one feels. It's hard to believe how much has happened in a year. It is quite a blessing to be pregnant at this time of year with my belly waxing full. This time in my life feels like a healing, and I can certainly feel a lot of changes occurring on the inside and outside.
I was just thinking the other day about how necessary it is for me to be clear about what I am focusing on and putting my energy into because at times I feel a bit torn. A great example is this feeling of wanting to continue to put my energy and time into working towards learning and growing as a student and teacher and how I feel a strong desire to be certified. Then, I have to remind myself that as my energy and focus shifts to this pregnancy, this baby, the birth and changes in my life and family that are to come that it is appropriate and necessary for my focus to shift. I have to remind myself that the workshops and trainings and higher learning are always there. This part of my life is not going anywhere and will be waiting for me when I feel ready to return and jump into that more fully.
For now, I feel the need to nurture and enjoy this time in my life, to give what I can to my practice and offerings as a teacher and to let go of the rest. I have enough changes going on and things to prepare for so there's no need to add to an already full plate.
I will say it is a relief to let go into this experience of pregnancy and new dimension of motherhood as I no longer feel pulled in two directions. For now, I am choosing the yoga of motherhood and family. And in many ways, I feel this will be a turning point for me in my growth as a human being.
I came to this realization the other night while attending my first hypnobirthing class that this is a time of healing for me. As the class began, I had this very heady feeling. I don't know if other people have this experience, but I have these moments from time to time where I experience this feeling of lightness, like the lines between the material world and spiritual world are blurred. I feel the energy in the room shift and I get this distinct feeling of being surrounded by spirits. I always see these moments as signs that I am in the right place and on track on my path. It's a bit of a trip because as I am noticing this going on, yet I have to keep myself anchored in the moment.
I had a few powerful a-ha! moments during class that night. I realized just how much my first birth experience affected me and how I have been focusing on the negatives of that experience versus the positives. When the teacher asked the question, "What was your favorite part of your birth?" I realized I had not once thought about my sons birth in that way. All I could see is what went wrong. It was a lovely moment of reckoning and realization. I see now where I need to watch my thoughts more closely and work with rewriting that story. And I think in the process of working with my thoughts and building that awareness, I will be changed for the better.
I feel I should mention, though, that I don't think that looking honestly at a situation to see what went wrong is bad. In fact, I see it as a necessary part of the healing process. When we take time to look at all angles of a painful situation we process the pain, we heal from it and we get clear on what we do want instead of what we don't want. That being said, I am now at a point where I can let go of the negatives and focus on the positives, and I view this time as a wonderful opportunity to clear out the old to welcome the new. The best part is that I think that the healing that occurs during this time will have a positive affect in all other areas of my life.
All I can think is that life is wild ride full of twists and turns, ups and downs, joy and sorrow and one dissolves into the other. Life is constantly turning us around so that we see all that is possible and we make the best use of our time and this beautiful life.
So as I begin my new journey around the sun, I am all about enjoying the ride.
Make a wish,