Luminous Lotus~

I've been meaning to write and wanting to write for a long time now, but I haven't really known how or where to begin. It's certainly been a challenging time as far as life and family goes. And I think that there is a part of me that has not known how to share the difficulty. And then the days are good and then bad, just inconsistent and unpredictable really, and so I don't want to think in terms of the worst or add drama to things by writing or overthinking. Most of the time I am not sure what to make of any of it. Anyway, not long ago, I came across a quote by Frida Kahlo that really resonated with me that I will share: What I realized when I read that quote is that I have built a wall around my suffering, and all this shit is eating away at me. Yes, there are certainly days when I feel that I am being devoured by it all. And so I decided that it was time to write, to just share the truth of my life as it as.  And so I begin... Right now, in this momen...

 Today marks 10 days that we have been back in Tucson, but it feels like the entire move from Flagstaff to Tucson took months. So we have been in that strange in-between place for a while now. That said, it does feel good to have finally landed. We are still unpacking and setting up house here so the settling in has been slow. Moving is always so much more work than I anticipate or remember! It's probably a good thing that I forget, or I would never move. I kind of feel like we have hit that place of never wanting to move again. But, of course, never is a long time. I do really like our new house and the area that it is in. It feels spacious and is tucked away in mid town. We have open desert across the street, a great little park for the kids, the Rillito walking path out our door, and we are close to all the things and places we like to go to. It's not Shultz Pass area awesome but pretty great for here. We are certainly missing things about Flagstaff. We miss ou...

Endings and Beginnings are a part of life. I know this. You know this. And yet it doesn't make those transitions any easier. There is always a bit of sadness at the end because the end requires a let go. And there is always a nervous anticipation at the beginning because there is uncertainty, but more importantly, there is hope. And here I am at the place in between the two. Actually, here we are at that place in between the two. What I mean by this is that my family and I have decided to move back to Tucson. So here we are at the end of our two years in Flagstaff, and nearing the beginning of our return to Tucson. It's a bittersweet time, a bittersweet decision.  We moved to Flagstaff with high hopes of this being the place we would call home for a long time to come because we love Flagstaff and think it's a great place to call home. And yet, our time here has been full of challenges we did not see coming. We took a risk moving here knowing that our funds wo...

It's been a rough stretch of time for me and my family. My son Liam has been having a lot of trouble with school. He hates it, and is having a lot of anxiety around school. He often refuses to go and has a lot of trouble staying all day. When we do get him there, his teachers and other staff say that he seems happy and does well. Liam participates in class, plays with his friends at recess and gets on with the day, which, of course, is confusing because he says he hates it so much. He is incredibly smart and gets good grades with little effort. Meaning, he is not having trouble academically. That said, he is now falling a bit behind with his work as he has missed so many days, and I have had to pull him out early nearly everyday just so I can get him to go. I have even spent a good week or more attending school with Liam just to get him through the school doors in an attempt to get into a rhythm.  It's been very trying to say the least and has thrown the whole family off...

When we are open, what we need comes to us.  It's easy to think we always have to work hard to find the answers to all of our questions, or to understand the lessons life wants to teach us, or to figure out the next step in our life's journey, but I don't think that is necessarily true. What I mean is that I think the answers we are in search of, the lessons, the next step, or the direction we keep searching for shows up and becomes clear when we are ready and open to receiving what is next. And I can hear my higher self saying, "And not a minute sooner!" I think most of us are used to working hard at figuring out what's next. And for most us on that constant quest to figure things out, whatever we are after doesn't seem to come fast enough. I'm no different, but I do think my patience and faith in the unfolding of my life has improved. Here's a good example: As I was reading through this great book I got recently by Colleen Saidman Yee ...

It's been one of those can't-stop-crying kind of days. I managed to pull myself together enough to get Liam to school for the Veteran's Day celebration and ceremony his class and school had been preparing for over the last few weeks. We made it for most of the day and then Liam and Lila both started to fall apart from too much sitting and not enough food. I decided it was time to go home and regroup. It's been a hard couple of days full of unexpected news, changed plans, disappointment, loss, and sorrow. My parent's were supposed to arrive yesterday for a visit and for Papa to attend the Veteran's Day ceremony with Liam. This was going to be a special occasion for Liam and Papa. Unfortunately, while my Dad was on the road headed to our house, he got a call from his sister letting him know his youngest brother, Troy, was dying. We knew he wasn't doing well and that his last round of Chemo was particularly hard on him, but everyone thought he had more ...

In the year 2011, the Anusara community that I had been a part of for more than a decade crumbled and fell apart. Like so many others in the Anusara community, I felt like I'd been left in the middle of nowhere with one question hanging over my head: What next? Eventually I resigned my Anusara-inspired title and distanced myself from whatever "community" was left.  Since the Anusara fall apart, I purposely chose not to make a choice as far as teachers or styles of yoga go. I purposely chose to just step back and work at stepping in, listening more intently to my own inner guidance, and just practicing letting the teachings that needed to be shared to come to and through me. I knew I had learned enough and had enough teaching experience to continue to teach minus the Anusara-inspired title. So that is what I did, I continued to teach and find my own way forward. For a good chunk of time, I just kept teaching but didn't really know what to do...