Luminous Lotus~

Not that long ago I listened to an interview with Judith Lasater about whether or not it was the teachers job to challenge the student.  Her reply went something like this: Well, first of all I think it's important to get clear on what we mean by "challenge".  Taking one breath with awareness can be a challenge.  And she went on to say that it was important to talk about challenge and the concept of mutuality.   And this is the part that really stuck out to me and truly resonated with me.   She said, "It's not me challenging you.  It's me inviting you to challenge yourself in an intelligent, cadenced way. In a gently questioning way.  Don't push past your limit-- find where it is and respectfully step back from it a bit.  It means inviting the student to explore their own freedom and growth, in their own time and way."   In other words,  it's the students responsibility to challenge themselves and grow their own practice...

August has been a bear of a month. I don't know if everything that is coming up and out has to do with the move, or if this is just an intense month astrologically and universally, but it's all felt like way too much! Maybe there is a deep sadness and feeling of loss in the air from the passing of Robin Williams and Mr. Iyengar.  I mean I certainly feel the intensity and have noticed the sadness.  And maybe my kids feel all this too and just don't know how to process it.  I don't know. All I can tell you is that life has been extra hard lately and life with the kids has been extra challenging with meltdowns or tantrums almost everyday, painfully long bedtimes, poor sleep, and general mayhem most days. Truly, my family life feels so emotionally chaotic and spiritually draining these days.  Don't get me wrong, there have been some sweet moments mixed in with both kids and one good day together as a family. And during those moments,  I feel hopeful...

Life in Flagstaff... Life here among the pines has begun to settle and shift little by little.  The first 3 to 4 weeks were rough and totally uncomfortable, but things have settled down a lot.  I guess things started to shift when I realized that I was resisting, even regretting, my choice to move here.  I was in such a state of shock and fear and discomfort.   Anyway, one evening while visiting the mystic mamma website ( mysticmamma.com ),  I was reading about the theme for July 2014 by Lena Stevens ( http://www.mysticmamma.com/the-theme-for-july-2014-is-the-unfolding/ ) and there was a line in there that struck me. " follow the unfolding and be in wonder at the intelligence of spirit ." As I read those words I realized I was not following the unfolding of my life and that I was not choosing my choice.  Wha!  In that moment I realized that I needed to do a few things: One, I needed to let go and trust the way my life was  unfo...

I once heard Maya Angelou say something like: "everyone always talks about the beauty of the butterfly, but no one ever talks about what it took for the butterfly to get that way." I may have heard her say something along that line on one of Oprah's Masterclass series. That particular quote, which is not exact, has stayed with me for the last few weeks.  How easily we forget that true transformation is a breaking apart, a falling apart of sorts.  And the break down is rarely pretty, and is in fact quite messy. I certainly feel as though I am in the fall apart phase of change.  The last week has been really hard and uncomfortable and unpleasant to say the least.  I have had moments where I have felt full of regret over leaving what we had built up behind.  I have questioned whether our choice to move here was a good idea as the starting over feels so hard, and, really, we had so much good around us.  I have not felt clear or inspired in the least la...

A lot can happen in a month, and a lot has happened.  The move over the last month has been intense to say the least. And, as I sit in our new house in Flagstaff,  I feel rather out of sorts.  I would even go so far as to say I feel a bit stunned and am in a state of disbelief.  I keep asking myself, "did that just happen?" Yesterday, I felt immense sadness as I said goodbye-for-now to my Mom and Dad.  I will miss being so near to my Mom and Dad.  We have spent the last 6 years seeing each other every week and often times more than once.  I probably saw my mom every other day the whole time.  Yup,  I love my mom and am very close with her and miss her a whole lot right now. I miss them both a lot right now.  I know, with time, I will adjust.  We all will adjust.  The good news is that right now both kids seem to be doing pretty well.  For that,  I am grateful.  Jason is pressing on and is fine per usual. ...

Yesterday was the first day that I felt a real excitement come over me about the upcoming move.  Of course, feeling this joy and anticipation is just another sign that we are choosing the right way for us. In fact, as I was trying to recall the last time I actually felt excited about moving, I realized it was when I was 24 and moving to Flagstaff.  How about that?! I vividly remember the moment that I decided that Flagstaff was where I wanted to be.  I had been living in Phoenix at the time with my sister and her boyfriend.  I had only been staying with them for the past 3 months as I had just moved back from Okinawa, Japan.  I was adjusting to the states after spending a year in Japan.  Anyway,  I had gone up to Flag to visit a couple of friends and had a great time.  I was just leaving town and heading back down the hill.  And as I was driving past the pines toward Sedona, the sun was setting on the right and the bright, full moon wa...

  This year marks the year of tens.  On March 16th I turned 40, thus ending one decade and beginning a new one.  In May, May 2nd to be exact, I celebrate my 10th year teaching yoga.  And, this year also marks 10 years ago that Jason and I moved away from Flagstaff. Which brings me to my point, which is that this seems to be a full-circle moment or time in my life.  It very much feels like I am at a starting point, that the turn of the wheel is complete and now begins a whole new phase of living and learning. At the beginning of March,  my husband resigned his position with CTS, the company he's been a part of and working for over the past 11 years.  He was just ready to move on and out into the world  more.  And so we agreed that it was worth the leap.  In the midst of that change, we decided to make another change, as we figured there is no reason to hold back or wait for what we know we want. So here's a little back story....