Luminous Lotus~

I have experienced a lot of ups and downs this week,  moments of fogginess and clarity, feelings of worthiness and unworthiness.   The Spanda, the Universal pulsation, is evident and ever present.   On Tuesday evening after class, I felt tired and like the class was hard work.  I was a little surprised and bummed by the challenge of it simply because I wanted it to be a little smoother.  However, it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was.  It was certainly a mixed bunch.  I had returning students, brand new students and those with some physical and visual challenges.  In general, it just felt like the students were in a funny place, like everyone was having a hard time being there, listening, and understanding.  It felt like the heat had sucked the life out of folks and the heaviness of the heat made everyone lethargic and dull.  I think by the end it turned out okay but I didn't leave feeling that way.... I think it just happens that way sometimes and I am learning to rol...

April 10, 2009~ A couple of months back I decided to create a facebook profile because a dear friend continued to insist I do so.  I resisted for a while because I was doing just fine with email.  Clearly, I didn't know what I was missing.  Anyway, since my profile was established it has turned into something quite wonderful.  I am so glad I did join the facebook community because I love it.  I have been in contact with so many people I didn't think I'd see, let alone hear from again.   I've rekindled my friendship with a dear friend I've known since I was 13 and living in Stuttgart Germany, reconnected with a friend from my high school days who has blossomed into the artist he was always meant to be, and am getting to know new friends better across the Internet lines.  I am quite thrilled by all this and, in some weird way, I feel like I hang out with a friend everyday in this way.  In fact, I am one of those folks who visits daily and, often, more than once. ...

April 1, 2009~ I woke this morning still holding a head full of thoughts.  My mind was unfocused and on to many things all at once.  I spent some time at B-Line cafe this morning writing to try to put some of these thoughts somewhere other than just in my head because this usually helps.  But... There I sat thinking about last night's class, the strange dreams I had, this special day, my 9-year anniversary with Jason, and weaning my son.  I find that I tend to linger a bit on things.  For example,  I am glad that Liam and I are working toward weaning and that shift in our relationship but feel a little sad too.  It's a strange bitter, sweet change.  Those moments when I sit and hold him at breast are so tender and special.  It really is hard to put into words that feeling I have when I hold him near and he gazes up at me and me down at him. It is hard to believe he is getting so big and that this phase will soon pass. I want to remember this time as vividly as I can and real...

March 29, 2009 It's been a few days since my last blog.  I feel the last few days have been mixed but full.  Oh, and little challenging too.  Of course, that is the way the river flows, and so I flow over rocks, under bridges, in the light and in the dark guided and held by the shore.  The steady banks of the river lead me on.   Over the last few days,  I have been thinking about this blog and my life and how it tends toward the yogic side of things, which is appropriate considering that is the life I desire to lead.  However,  I feel it necessary to include the other side of things, the family side of things since that is also part of my life.  One side of the river is held by my family and the other by the practice and both are held steady and guided by Grace so that I stay on the path. On days when I am feeling like I am uncontained and all over the place, it is nice to know that I have the support of my family, the support of my practice, and the support of the Kula holding ...

St Patrick's day marks the beginning of my new year because it is the first day following my birthday.  I think it is natural that as I celebrate another year older I also celebrate another year of lessons learned.  Every year around this time,  I look back over the road I have traveled so that I can asses from where I have come and know which way I will choose to go.   The last year has been full of challenges and change.  When I first arrived to Tucson, I felt misplaced and bewildered by the move.  In those first few months I felt a lot of anger and sadness. Many times I wondered what I was doing here and was having a hard time understanding the highest reason or purpose of my family's trek here.  I knew we came for Jason's work and to be closer to family, but, at the time, that was not enough for me.  I missed my studio and the little Colorado Springs Kula that was created during my time there.  I missed what I thought I had  a hold of and I really wanted things not to ...

Let me begin with this~   " If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature." (Bruce Barton) I stumbled upon or was lead to this quote a couple years back and it is one of my favorites.  I have been sitting with this quote, thinking about it, reading and rereading it and sharing it with others.  I feel that part of what I came away with from my time with John last week is that it is so important to trust my experiences both on and off the mat and to absolutely trust my expression of my experiences.  I know that we are supposed to teach from our experience but I understand this in a deeper and truer way now than I did before. When I arrived on the first day of the teacher training, I had those first-day-of-school butterflies.  I was excited and grateful to be there but a little nervous too.  On...

March 6, 2009~ Today marked the conclusion of the teacher's intensive with John and he brought it full circle.  We reviewed what we went over.  We practiced and rejoiced in the opportunity to embody the principles and this experience in each asana.  John inspired us to express our individual beauty and essence in each pose fully but evenly.   In savasana, we were serenaded by Bronwin, which was a treat and has always led me to the sweetest and deepest of savasanas.  She has a way of carrying you away with her voice to some place familiar and beautiful.  John's closing was golden and touched us all at the core.   I'd say the whole experience was...  What is the word?  I'm not sure I can explain this with just a word.  All I know is I feel different.  In combination with the immersions and now this training, I know I have been lifted to higher ground and feel that my inner landscape has changed. I am in new territory but not lost.  As I take in the view and engage my s...