Here it is, 11 in the evening and I really do mean to be sleeping. Every one else is asleep and the house is quiet. These moments to me are precious, though. Even with what little sleep I've had lately, I have to make time to sit with myself, or I simply don't feel right and it is hard for me to function. Besides, I have too much on my mind to sleep. That said, I will keep this short and write more over the coming days.
Today is June 8, 2012. My daughter, Lila, was born one year ago today. The picture above is how our first meeting began. It was a rough, unexpected beginning to say the least. Of course, that makes my very peaceful pregnancy that much sweeter. Lila told me a lot about herself while in utero. She shared with me her lighthearted essence and her love of nature. She wiggled and moved and swam around in her watery world constantly, which gave me some clue as to her active, energetic way. And she showed us how strong and independent she is as soon as she was born. It is true that Lila is more lovely than I could have ever even imagined. And I must say that it is something special to have a daughter. I can't explain that in words, it's just something I feel. I am quite fortunate and very blessed to have both a son and a daughter to share in this life with.
Being a mother is the most rewarding and simultaneously challenging thing I have ever had the honor of experiencing, of doing or being part of. There is a lot of learning and growing and change involved in this life as a parent, a mother of two. And, of course, a lot of Love. It's a Big hearted, overflowing, don't-even-know-what-to-do-with-this-kind-of love, LOVE. Loving in this way is a gift that I am forever grateful for. If I only I could learn to love all the other people in my life and in the world in this way. I am not sure if that is possible or even necessary but that thought comes to mind.
All I can say is that it has been quite a year. Some parts hard, other parts easy and sweet and totally worth remembering. It is amazing how a child really puts life into perspective and helps priorities to become clear. All I want is to love my life and live my life well. All I want is to enjoy this time with my children and really learn what it means to be a family. All I want is to have my children be happy, to feel loved, know their gifts, be themselves, feel valued and do good in the world simply by being fully who they are. May I hold them only so tight that they know they are loved and cared for but loose enough to know that they are free. May I find a way to bring more harmony into our home and ease into our life, some how, some way. May we be happy, healthy and free, and may we live our lives with ease.
Happy Birthday Blessings to You, Lila.
I am so happy you are here.